Why and how to be a positive parent?

YES… not just a word, it’s a feeling or even personalities.

It creates a sense of positivity and affirmation. At most times when you receive yes as a response it makes you feel happy. Imagine creating that positive, affirmative and happy feeling in your child, to stay with him forever.

As a child grows from a new born to a toddler, NO becomes a parent’s favorite word and stays with them for long.
“Hey, don’t touch that”,” what are you doing”, “please don’t”.
 “don’t go there” “don’t eat that”, “don’t mess the place”
“No running”, “no jumping”
No!!! No!!! No!!!

Imagine you constantly being told a no for everything you  want to do… A ‘no’ by your boss, by your partner, by your parents. Always a NO…aaahhh!! It is annoying. Isn’t it?? Why do that with a child?

Why should I avoid no?

The more you use the word NO, the lower the self-esteem of the child becomes.
Every time you say no, you lower the enthusiasm of your child to learn and explore his surroundings.
In the due course of time, your child may just not take initiatives with the fear of being rejected.
The child becomes rebellious.
‘No’ parents make ‘No’ children.

A friend of mine complained that my daughter says No for everything I say, whether it is to greet someone or to pick her toys from the living room.
The reason is simple – No is what she has learnt to hear and say. 
Using it too frequently, also makes it meaningless for them.

How can I become a ‘yes’ parent?

Is it really possible to say a yes for everything? Would I not  spoil my child that way? How can I say yes when my child asks for ice cream and has a running nose?
No, certainly not. You can’t let your child to play with fire or a knife, isn’t it!

The trick here is to say No without creating negative emotions.

Alternative to saying a NO

Diversion of attention

One method which works well is diversion of attention. So if your child is banging the table or flinging things around, pick him up and take him to some other place. Hand over some toys to play with or assign him a task which he will enjoy doing.

Allow the child to experience

If your toddler insists on having a fork or knife to play with allow him to experience it under your supervision and explain why you do not want him to play with it.

Postpone the desire

This technique can work with older kids. Toddlers usually do not comprehend time. But under any circumstances avoid making false promises, ones which you know can’t ever keep.

Listen to the desire attentively and discuss it creatively

No desire is unreasonable. Why make the child believe that his desires are of no concern to his parents? Listen to what he wants and understand well what’s on his mind. Follow his cues and make up a story with the morale you want to leave him with. Or, if possible, show him what happens if he does that.

Handling a tantrum or, misbehavior

Humiliating the child in public, is a strict No-No for parents and teachers.
I observed a significant change in one of my students since I started talking to him privately. I would take him out of the classroom or have a moment with him alone and explain instead of saying anything in front of the entire class.
So in case your child is throwing a tantrum, make sure you take the child in a corner or another room and talk about what he wants. Hug him tight and tell him why the behavior is not accepted.

If you must say No… Reason it out….
Use terms like all right, alright, very well, of course, by all means, sure, certainly, absolutely, indeed, agreed more often.

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