I had read many famous books and web articles on pregnancy while carrying my son. They all mentioned post partum depression which was just a topic for me untill I gave birth to my son, Maahir on 5th Jan, 2018.
I thought I was the luckiest woman ever to have had such a smooth pregnancy !! I didn't vomit even once in entire 9 months and neither had any nausea or gestational diabetes or anything other pregnancy related issues. Infact I had a c section on 5th and was discharged on 8th morning .. I recovered very well and was back home on 3rd day itself .
But that in when my real battle began.. my physical health was perfect. The stitches healed well and I took bath and all on my own from day 1 but my thoughts were killing me . I was going crazy with the sleepless nights and tiredness. My breast was sore and bleed and yet I had to feed my baby with that excruciating pain.
Everything took toll on me . I hated being confined to one room and having selected food . My newborn as like every other baby had his milk demands, own sleep times etc etc. Even though I had a full time help but nothing helped me.
I got cranky day by day, would pick up a fight with my husband for no reasons. The realization came that something is seriously wrong was when I wanted to abandon my baby .. and by abandon I meant to do anything to get rid away with him.
I clearly remember during japa I saw my mother in law frying something in kitchen , I observed her for sometime and then out of no where just blurted out that lets put the baby inside the pan !!
My mother in law offcourse got paranoid for me saying that, infact the maid also said that what non sense was I talking .
My struggle was so bad that my japa wali took very good advantage of it . She convinced me that my husband and my mother in law was my real enemies and she was the dearest to me !!
An educated woman like me was convinced by a maid that my family hates me and they only wanted a baby out of me. At that point I was even ready to leave everything and settle with her. I gave her my expensive pair of pure silver payals just because she took that advantage of my vulnerability and brainwashed me that she was only true well wisher ..
From killing myself to frying my baby in oil, there was no negative thought that didn't come in my mind ..
It all subsided when my confinement period was over, my husband took in charge of the baby and the maid had left.
Everything started to fall in place. I was finally sleeping with my husband in same room, we both were raising the baby, going out on vacations with him . Motherhood striked a little late but it was as beautiful as I had imagined ..
Thank you for reading this out and please share in comments if you also faced something similar.
P.S: sharing th picture of me and Maahir. I still can't believe that I ever had the thoughts of harming him ☹️