Became pregnant was a miracle for me and my husband. By God grace my whole pregnancy period went on a super ride, all happiness around. Everybody pampered me , in the family , at workplace everywhere. I was enjoying the beautiful phase of life. By the starting of my 9th month I started waiting to take the lil life inside me in my arms. I use to think what am gonna do when the lil one will come. Whole day I think and discuss with my mom, mom in law, husband, colleagues that I gonna do this and that and bla bla…. I always ask myself and my baby inside “ tum kab aaoge Bahar"..
It was my 38th week sonography report by which my Dr. Said that he is going for C-section as we can't take risk. I was worried because for me ;even a injection is painful. But the excitement to hold my baby in my arms surpassed the fear of operation.. on the decided date I went to hospital very excitedly and happily, watched bahubali in hospital
Room because of the character ‘Bahu’ I liked. Then with great excitement and lil fear I went for operation.
The moment I heard the cry of my baby a tear rolled out of eye, desperately waiting to see the baby I was thanking God again n again ;for the gift. The moment I saw ‘him’ I try to kiss him and requested my Dr. That I want my husband to take him first.
Little unconscious ;shifted to my room I was continuously asking that where is my baby? Please bring him to my room only. As he arrived I slept peacefully for hrs.
It was a C-section so I was unable to breastfeed my baby for 3 days and this made me cry .. I asked my Dr. to solve my problem , he consoled my that It will be fine soon and no need to worry. Meanwhile ;he suggested me that I have to adjust now as from now life will get change. I thought that why he is saying so? I smiled and ignored the suggestion.
The day we were suppose to get discharge from hospital we get to know that baby’s bilirubin is bit high so we need to stay in hospital for one more day and baby to be kept in NICU for phototherapy. Again I don't felt good and for the whole day I was depressed as my 4 days old baby was not with me. Then and there only I decided that I will leave everything behind to take care of my baby and after reaching home I will not leave him for a moment.
Next day with a dream to enjoy motherhood I left the hospital smiling with my baby in my arms.
I reached my home it was decorated with balloons,I went to my room and slept for hour. In the evening when I was feeding him some mood swings took place I was feeling lil sad, I dont know why? 2-3 days passed and I feel myself depressed. I talked to my Dr. He said it's normal not to worry. In the initial stage I was not knowing any reason but as I started analysis everything I thought was a reason. ;Starting with : bathing with hot water ,body massage, eating food, drinking boil water, feeding my baby, not getting time with husband, etc these silly things even I found as reason of my depression. Suddenly I started comparing my current life with my past life this made me more depressed.
As per my nature I started googling it and find two terms “ BABY BLUES” & “ POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION” . Ealier term was the one which goes for 2 weeks only and later one was a bit serious one that can go UpTo 6 months even.
Only 2 days were left to complete the estimated duration of baby blues. And the stage of depression I was on makes me confirm that it is PPD. I forget to smile , eat, sleep, everything. I was unable to understand that I got the most precious gift of my life still I am unable to enjoy and why I am not paying attention to him?
Crying all day frustrated me. Spices were added by family members when they started making fun of me and my depression . I was unable to make them understand the condition I was going through. The only person who was handling and dealing ;with me was my partner. I use to cry whole night in front of him. Dr. Said not to take anypills as my baby was ;exclusively ;on breastfeeding and it may somehow affect him even. ;Spending my whole day counting each and every hour was my routine.
Not feeling good at anyplace, completely depressed I use to call and msg my Dr. His counselling makes me feel better atleast for few hrs after that I found myself crying again. ;My people suggested to do many things religious as well as stupid things. When my colleagues came to know about it they started visiting me daily for some time . But still the day means 24 hrs.
After many counsellings my Dr. As well as my partner suggested me to stop analysis about the situation and go with the flow, to write something for my baby , to read , to do some pranayam etc. After N no. Of efforts I started feeling a bit ok. Still waiting ;to get normal.
If u face any such thing please then and there only stop negative thoughts.
Don't compare ur pre delivery life with post delivery .
Discuss your situation with your Dr. , partner , mom or whosoever understands you.
Don't feel shame to ask for help to handle the baby.
Talk to your baby.
Try to enjoy every moment as your baby’s this age will never come back.
Put on your favorite music, slowly but it will be effective.
Please pay complete attention to your baby as your 2-3 months depression phase may affect the whole life of your baby.
PPD though untold and ugly but can be treated well if we want to.
Happy deliveries ;to all expecting MOTHERS.