Maternal instinct.

A new mom come across this term very often. Its the end statement solution for a new mom’s never-ending queries and dilemmas. Whenever she refuses to settle down with answers and reassurances, she is just asked to go by her instincts.

But nobody ever tells her what these “instincts” are and from where and how they come or develop.

As per Google’s English dictionary, “instinct” is

A) An innate typically fixed pattern of behaviour i animals in response to certain stimuli.

B) A natural intuitive way of acting or thinking

C) A natural propensity or skill of a specified kind

D) The fact or quality of possessing innate behaviour patterns.

A mother’s instinct ticks in all the definitions of instinct and is actually the combination of all of it. Conception, pregnancy, labour delivery, breast feeding and the baby itself are the stimuli that trigger this instinct in her. The love-hormone a.k.a the birthing hormone a.k.a the feel good hormone a.k.a the Mommyhood hormone ‘oxytocin’ is the one that generates the motherly instincts too. Researches have documented that the high levels of this hormone during pregnancy and child birth enlarge the gray matter of those parts of brain that are involved with emotions and relaxation. So a mommy brain is a bit different from a normal not-a-mommy brain.
Nature has its full proof blue print safeguard its beings. So, the process of giving birth itself biologically triggers and kick starts this behaviour called ‘maternal instinct’ in a new mom. But it has to be honed as a skill actively and consciously to ace it and make it work for you.

And that makes the term ‘instinct’ being used for this behaviour a misnomer, though partially. Because instinct is something which is hard wired in a person for which the person doesn't really have to think anything. But a new mom has to work on it a lot once she has the baby in her lap. The hormone only provides the motivation to go ahead and work on it. Hence it would be more precise to refer to this behaviour as “maternal drive” rather than “maternal instincts” .

Maternal drive has to be cultivated just like learning a new language. We learn a language through letters and words. While maternal drive is learnt from baby’s cues or baby behaviour. #childbehaviour

A Baby can't communicate with language. Babies communicate through their movements and cry. A mother or a care giver has to decipher the cause behind the cry or a particular movement. These movements and the various types of cry of a baby are the cues through which the communicate with the mother or the care giver. A mother can be the best judge of those causes and is the best person to pick up the baby’s cues fast and correctly. That is what makes the baby feel secure and protected in the mother’s arms.

Most of the things the new mother will learn only with time and by the time she understands and learns it the baby out grows that phase. That's why most new moms are confused when they hear the term maternal instinct. By the time they understand what maternal instinct is, they have to wait for another pregnancy to utilise it. But nature has its ways, each pregnancy is different and each baby is unique. So cultivation of maternal drive is required in each pregnancy. Ofcourse it becomes a lot lesser confusing for the second time.

So how to cultivate maternal drive before time to be able to utilise it at the right time?

1) What the mind doesn't know the eyes can not see.

You can never identify a cue if you have never heard of it or read about it anywhere. So the first step is to arm yourself with adequate and authentic knowledge. Books about pregnancy and new born baby by qualified doctors, practitioners or experienced parents are the best source of such knowledge. Joining a pre-natal class is the best to get the essential knowledge and information as well as to get a hands-on training on birthing and guidance on parenting as well.
2) If all this is not possible then, loads of information is also available on the internet. But it can't be believed blindly.

Any information has to be cross checked with 4 to 5 links or articles or published research based literatures.

2) Books can't teach life. Sometimes we also have to trust suggestions and advices from newly experienced moms. Its better to personally talk and discuss the problem and know more about their side of story in detail before taking any decision or simply implementing it.

3) Breast feeding releases a lot of oxytocin and keeps the maternal drive at a all time high.

4) The more time you spend with the baby the more you will learn about the baby. Mindfully observing the baby will answer most of your queries.

5) To be able to spend maximum time with the baby, certain arrangements have to be made like hiring help for cleaning cooking etc whatever is possible or available; or distributing the load of housework amongst all the members of the house.

6) Giving kangaroo mother care (kmc) to the new born or even Baby wearing the infant keeps the mother and baby in close contact causing oxytocin peaks in the blood and brain which will in turn help the mommy to pick the baby’s cues more intelligently.

7) Playing and talking with the baby will help you predict the baby’s upcoming behaviour, interests and disinterests, hunger cues and sleep cues.

8) Simply observing the baby even when the baby is asleep is also informative.

Making it simpler reading or knowing about basically the signs of hunger, thirst, sleep, poop and pee of the baby i.e. the basic functions of life before the baby’s arrival will be very helpful in the initial days with the baby. Later other things will come your way on their own or can be picked up on the way early or late doesn't matter.

So don't fret much on the instincts just go with the flow and they will follow you.
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#mymommyhoodexperiences
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