Post 2- ( my eyes are swollen after writing this post)

😭Why are some losses irreparable?

☹️☹️Losing a loved one may leave us devastated, and if it’s a parent - oh, you feel like a part of your body has been cut completely leaving you handicapped for life.

✅Continuing with my last post ....

⭐️So I took admission in one of the premier B schools after a great deal of hard work. It was the time to reap the benefits. This was way back in 2005. An opportunity to fulfil mine and parents dreams.As I briefed in my last post about my dad’s health of being a serious cardiac patient and already undergone a by pass , travelling for banned for a while though he was completely fine otherwise post surgery( close to my joining ). Therefore we planned that my mom would accompany me to Pune to settle me there in hostel. She too is a strong lady and is ever ready for any challenge and situation.
🧛‍♂️🧛‍♂️My brother and father stayed back for these 4 days ( and we had a part time help who would come during the day ). As I was leaving with mom,My dad wished me luck, kissed my forehead and said “ I know you will make me proud. Let me come along with you, nothing will happen “
🙆‍♀️But we were adamant as the doc had said a big NO to travel.
☹️3 days passed by- we spoke with dad almost every 3-4 hours over the phone. (My brother had his 10+2 exams so was very busy all these days).
We did all formalities, found a good hostel and the 4th day I had to join. And mom had to leave in the evening.
😢😢😢4th day morning we did not speak —- and never there after !!!

✅✅My first day @mba -
The situation brief :-
I enter my class in morning . Exactly an hour later I receive a message that I was called at the reception. My mom stood there with 2 of our local relatives there and they had our return flight tickets in hand ! Uncle said “ beta , your dad is serious , you need to reach there asap with your mom”
I could read his face and kept on asking what had happened and then he broke down that “ your dad is no more” !

😭I was like WHAT ????” Is this the time to joke or what? “ I asked and as they reconfirmed I could see my mom fainting and falling on the floor. The entire world went upset down. I was in no senses. Lost my power to think. One I had already lost and another was numb. I felt like going on the top floor of the building and jump.

😣😣But !
I had to be calm and take care of mom to take her back to dad. We boarded the flight in no senses. That was the longest and worst flight we had. As mom regained consciousness, we cried continuously those 2.5 hours cursing ourselves that we should have got him with us.
We were in immense pain thinking how he must have felt during his last time without us, what if we had not gone he would be there,how much he needed us in those last minutes.
😢😢Alas! We can’t compete with destiny. He was gone , gone forever. And with him I lost all my dreams , my goals , myself !

😰😰It was stuck in my mind - Had we not gone , my dad would be alive! Did my career goal kill my dad???Was I responsible for his death ?? These questions wavered my mind 24/7 and the result was - A dull, lost , out of this world ME who had lost interest in life. Suicidal thoughts hovered me all the time.
😔😔One week later when all relatives had gone, my mom stood up suddenly and asked me to pack my bags and leave for Pune. And she was determined to send me back. But I was determined NOT to go leaving my mom and bro behind.
All moms with single parent would agree with me how insecure we become for the only parent we have . That fear of becoming orphan gave me goose bumps and I decided “ I will not go” and stay with my mom .
😞😞The worst 2 months of my life :
With all these negative thoughts, I was like a coma patient these 2 months . I forgot to eat, take bath, talk to people, comb my hair or dress up. I just lay all day with my eyes swollen without any purpose in life.
✅Few days later my mom started taking care of dad’s business and became busy and Little better therefore. I became more lonely and my condition deteriorated. I just wanted to run away but faces of my mom and brother held me back. My MBA HOD called us many times asking me not to ruin my life but I paid no heed. I believed my life had already ruined.
🙁And these 2 months passed like hell. I started believing there was no God else this would not happen.
🙆‍♀️Well do I regret my decision? NO. Atleast the fear of losing my parent while I was away would not haunt me. So I was not sorry for my decision.

( oh God, I can’t help my tears to stop coming out while I write this)
👉🏻👉🏻My mom was waiting for Mother Nature to heal me and bring me on track.
2 months later when I was still the same, she took me to an orphanage which had orphaned kids - new born to 15 Years , some of them who had never seen their parents since birth. I spent a day with them and realised their pain. That I was not the worse. There was so much pain in the world mine was much lesser. 😋Watching those kids who didn’t have parents or abandoned by parents, longing for love and affection, gave me my life changing moment.
🙂🙂I started visiting them and spent time and a week later I was back to normal. This taught me a lesson how important is it to give love and affection rather than expecting ! What a great sense of relief it gave it to me to bring smiles on some children who had no parents, to share laughter with the homeless.
🙂I was back in form !
I did not want to go too far to Pune and therefore joined an MBA institute in a near by city from where I could daily come back to my home. I promised myself to give my best shot and I topped in all semesters. Was crowned Miss Fresher in the first year and Miss Farewell in the final 🤗I was happy once again and life was on track. It was difficult not to miss Dad but I felt more responsible now. I felt my self on his place to take care of my family.

😁And yes another best thing happened due to my decision - I MET MY HUSBAND here.

🙏🏻How ???

Wedding - Neither love nor arranged? 😂Then what - it’s an interesting story again

Watch this space for more :)🎈

Love 💕