Dear mother-in-law, ‘your son is your baby, not mine’ and other things you must know

Dear Ma-in-law,

We all know the kind of a reputation desi mother-in-law has. So needless to say when I got married, I was more nervous about being the bahu than the idea of being someone’s wife. 


Thankfully, you accepted me with open arms and I was a happy, blushing bride, heady with the newness of being wedded into an amazing family. 
During those days, I once remember meeting my married girlfriends over coffee. As usual, spicy anti-MIL conversations were in full swing. Since I was a fairly new daughter-in-law, I couldn’t contribute much at that time. “I’m lucky in this matter,” I shrugged, to which a friend chuckled, “They all start off that way, wait till the honeymoon period is over. Always remember, two queen bees cannot live in the same hive.” 


I didn’t believe her, but soon, just as she predicted, tiny irritations began to crop up. Little annoyances that I have never faced before began to irk me. Sometimes they would push me into foul moods and you would wonder why I was being such a killjoy. 


Those hiccups continue to happen but I have never had a chance to tell you how I have felt, simply because I didn’t want to come across as rude. But today, I guess you need to know some things about your daughter-in-law because, better late than never.


#1 I may have weird likes and dislikes, but they do exist

I have been taught to think independently for the last 25-28 years of my life. I’ve developed opinions, tastes and come in from a different house or culture altogether. So even things like, ‘adding carrots in the pav bhaji,’ is a huge deal for me because I’ve never added carrots to my pav bhaji. 

#2 I have my little desires in the house I live in

Yes, the curtains in the house may never have been changed for eons, but I’ve dreamt of having my choices in the house I live in too. So once in a while, I’d like to see some enthusiasm with regards to them, to feel encouraged. Trust me, my choices are good. Your son is one of them.


#3 Your son is your baby, not mine

I can understand that you worry about his well-being, and so do I since he is my partner. But that doesn’t mean I should be feeling guilty if he looks underfed or unclean. He is an adult who is fully capable of managing himself. 


#4 Parent with me, not against me

Yes, you too have raised children, but parenting today has changed. So voice your opinion but don’t undermine the decisions I make for my kids as I make them for their good. I highly respect it that you offer to care for them, so I would really like it if you support my parenting rules.

You see ,as I do not wish to be painted as a villain in my own child’s eyes.


#5 Don’t make me feel guilty when I take my ‘me’ time

When you were a young mum, 'me' time was probably known by a different name or was non-existent. But I think a woman is more than just motherhood duties, so when I come home from the occasional shopping trip or an outing with my girlfriends, do not make it sound like my children were ‘abandoned.’


#6 My parents have their quirks, so do all of us

I’m not saying my parents are perfect, but being vocal about something they did that did not meet your approval hurts me. After all, they have raised me and come on, who doesn’t have quirks?


#7 I do not think you are bad

I do not possess any evil, villainous thoughts against you that the saas-bahu soaps so infamously portray nor do I think you do. I am a simple girl with a healthy mind, so I would rather like that we be friends.  


There, I said it. Now can we bond like we should for a better, more loving relationship?

Yours truly,

Your daughter-in-law (DIL)

Source for banner image: post.jagran

Read More
Fun Reads

Leave a Comment

Comments (14)



Aaisha Memon

very well written.. wish could write n send something like this to my mom in law...

Ranu

Very well written.its like mirror for all

Kriti Singh

very well written bt prblm still remains still she will not accept it

Sonam zarin

awesome.... we all feel the same..

Priya Iyer

Nisha Dayal Sheeba Rizvi Misha Jain Sonal S Raja Richa Chowdhary Mamta Washist Jass Kaur ruqaiya khan Bhakti Bavishi Divya Amit Jain Ritu Syal Mehrotra Hetal Gathani Karuna Gaba Ashika Imthiyaz

Radhika P

so true....before 2-3 days in parlour we all customers was discussing same topic n someone said whether u marry in well educated or less educated family..their look out towards daughter in law will b d same....may b it is.

ruqaiya khan

Priya Iyer , nice article I wish I could relate but sadly I never saw my mother in law she had passed away long before my marriage .

Sheeba Rizvi

Nice and touchy article....I wish this relationship actually have such understanding care and flexibility towards each other.

KritiVika

I wish every MIL would change some day and treat us fair!

Yogini Kandre

very well written

Wayendrilla Mukherjee

Most of the bahus hv to face this

Recommended Articles