Excerpts From Live Q&A With Sonal Raja (Part II)
“Do not respond to your child crying by shouting or irritation”
Dealing with the intricacies of a child’s behaviour puzzles and worries most parents. “Do I correct her/him or ignore?” “How do I deal with hitting?” “My child gets bullied, how to empower her?” These questions trouble a lot of parents who know that the example they set for their children now, will have a lasting impact.
Here’s an excerpt of a live chat on BabyChakra with child psychologist Sonal Raja who helped moms deal with parenting pain points.
Q. My little one is 27 months old.She keeps crying for every single thing she can speak Hindi well but her crying is driving me nuts. She doesn’t want to listen anything , every time she wants things done her own way crying has become her weapon to get things done. How can we stop this cranky behaviour and make her listen?
A. When your child is crying, it is important to know what is the reason. Is she able to speak and share her concerns or dislikes before she cries? We need to teach her to express her dissent in words instead of crying. DO not respond to crying by shouting or irritation. Ask her to tell you the reason for her sadness or anger. When she can identify the area them prompt her to give an answer and then rephrase the statement for her. For ex. “Oh so you are crying because....you want to play with your toy, or you want to eat an ice cream - can you please say that?.... It will help her to articulate and express instead of crying in frustration and anger.”
Q. My daughter is 10 yrs old, she is kind and social, she likes to help kids around her. She is a single child and doesn’t have good survival skills. She doesn’t like conflict. The children in her building like her but also bully her at times. I try to teach her to respond with humour and not get bugged or upset but she says she can’t reply the way i do! Any suggestions on how to toughen her up?
A. I can understand that your child is mild but at the same time we have to equip her to respond and cope with the environment at school and outside. I suggest that you give her skills like effective communication, that comes from playing team sports or theatre,Once children are confident about their skills , they are usually not afraid of others, and can confront them without aggression. Also, giving her tools like speaking directly to the bullies and confronting them.
Q. My daughter is 22 months old. When she indulges in bad behaviour, like hitting or shouting, I stop her in a clear voice, but now a days she shouts at me and hits me whenever I do this. Please suggest how to handle this.
A. We call the year two - ''terrible twos'. On a serious note, it is normal for children to explore at this age by shouting and hitting because they are using their newly found strengths. They do this to see how much strength is there in their hands and speech. You should not respond with equal strength. Ignore such behaviours so that they gently reduce. Distract them with doing certain positive things, like singing songs, rhymes, This will reduce negative emotions
Q. How to manage tantrums of a baby who is only an year old? How can i communicate with him?
A. Babies don’t throw tantrums. Their memory and focus is only limited. So, when they ask for something they can only think of that thing at that time,seems like tantrum to us. So, the best way is to distract the child and move the attention from one thing to another. If we do not teach the children to distract from something that they cannot have, then eventually, it will become a real tantrum.
So spend quality time with your child, allow communication to flow and get the better of your child’s behaviour.
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