I Lost Two Babies, But Never Lost Hope: My Story of Courage
My story of surviving cervical incompetence and becoming a mom
I am not sure if many of you know about cervical incompetence. Cervical incompetence is a medical condition in pregnancy where the cervix begins to shorten, becomes thinner and dilates long before the time of actual delivery date. In this condition, the uterus is not able to hold the baby due to a weak cervix. This is observed usually in trimester two.
I had read about this during my medical school days but never paid much attention to as it was not so important in exams.
My first pregnancy
After marriage I got pregnant with my first baby; everything was fine till the 5th month scan where my cervical length was found to be a little less. My doctor and I thought it would increase later in pregnancy but after two weeks, the unthinkable happened. One night, when I was 19 weeks pregnant, I started bleeding, like during menses.
I rushed to the hospital, the scan was done. We found that I had dilated and my baby was almost coming. Even though we all knew I had 1 percent chance of saving my baby with a cervical stitch, I went to a bigger hospital with better facilities which is 4 hrs from my place. I was immediately taken in for a cervical cerclage (stitch). From then, it was 1 week of horrifying days of complete bed rest , IVs, injections etc.
After a week, we did a scan again. The baby had still come down, I was taken in for a cerclage again, back to ICU and 1 more week of nightmare. On my 22nd week that night, my water broke and I was in labor.
I knew I wouldn’t get to even see my baby with whom I had had long conversations, with whom I dreamt doing practically everything. I was devastated but wanted it to get over it soon. Again, I underwent a horrible labour; my stitches were cut to let the baby out.
Hope, then grief again
I came back home empty handed. Within a month, things normalised. I joined work and then I realised I missed my periods. I was pregnant again!
This time I was on bed rest from the start. Injections, medicines and a cervical stitch at 11th week, everything was administered in advance. But at the 19th week, my cervical length was detected to be short, my os was open. Again the same nightmare, and I lost my baby the second time during the 22nd week.
The new me
This time, I felt completely hopeless as a woman, but my husband was strong and supportive. He started searching for a solution. I was very angry with myself. Being a doctor, I knew nothing.
As a doctor, many times I never imagined what a patient undergoes, I never knew how a smile or an assurance from a doctor or a nurse calms the patient.
I got back to work in 3 months time but this time I was not just a doctor; I was more understanding, sensitive and compassionate . I was a better person. So I thought maybe God wanted me to be a better human being, he wanted to make me ready for being a mom .
Then my hubby and I decided to do a Transabdominal cerclage where the knot is tied much higher. This procedure is not done by many doctors in india, but we went for it, got it done, I got pregnant after 6 months and delivered a healthy baby .
This is my journey to becoming a mother. There are so many women trying day and night to be a mom. I just want to tell you, have hope, there is a solution for everything. You just have to pursue it. I always feel faith and prayers work miracles. Many a times, we take what we have for granted. Never take your children for granted, there are thousands praying each day just to be a mother. We are the blessed ones!
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