A Bittersweet Feeling: The End of My Breastfeeding Journey

Breastfeeding did not come easy to me. Nope, it was a difficult journey. My little bub was born underweight and couldn’t latch on for a good month! But that didn’t stop the crazy pumping schedule! Since we were advised to strictly keep him on breastmilk for all feeds, off I went pumping every 3 hours, got no sleep whatsoever and was a total zombie. On the other end, little bub had to fed with small spoon every day for a week in the NICU and then at home for a whole month 10 times a day! Safe to say- all our backs were broken.

And then it happened. He latched one day with the cutest little set of lips and instead of feeling utmost love, I screamed! Since he and I were both learning, the pain was pretty unbearable. Nights where he nibbled on my breasts for over an hour and a half were the worst. Cracked nipples, swollen breasts, cranky mood- I would lie awake thinking, “ how the hell am I going to keep this on for a whole year?”

And here we are 10 months later, and I cannot believe  I did it.  I now love breastfeeding my bub more than anything and hesitant to stop it after the first year! Sure the nights are still horrible ( because he is a bad sleeper and feeds every 2 hours), but the sheer joy on his face after he has had his full- makes everything worth it. I had vowed to start weaning him at 12 months and get his solid food to the max.

I can already feel the start of the end of my breastfeeding journey. The clots make me sick, but bananas make him happy. The pump is used lesser every day, but the idlis are his best friend. I know it’s natural to feel this way, but I cannot help but wonder- will the bond break? All my mother friends say a big fat no, but I know I can’t ever replace that sweet milk drunk smile.

Cheers my little bub, let’s continue this journey till we can. If you let mummy sleep, maybe there’s more than a year of milk in the offing! To all the breastfeeding mothers out there, the bond is real. Let no one tell you otherwise.

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