This article is part of a series in collaboration with Bonobology.
What comes out of your mouth when you’re in an argument can never be taken back, so choose wisely what you say.
Anger is one emotion that has the potential to cause the maximum damage to any relationship, because when we’re angry, the blood supply to the thinking centre of our brains literally shuts down and we really don’t have any awareness of what we say or do. And by the time we realise it, it’s usually too late. Especially in a romantic relationship, where the bond is so delicate, it is a ticking time bomb. So, to make sure you don’t cause unintentional damage, we bring you a list of things you should NEVER say when you’re in the throes of anger!
1. I wish I had never met you. This one sentence negates all the beautiful moments you spent with your partner in a flash. Suddenly your partner will start wondering if all the times you spent together were meaningless and believe us, that’s not a nice place to be in!
2. I hate you. “Hate” is a very very strong word and when you’re in love with someone, you cannot hate them, and that’s a fact.
Yes, you may be upset with them, you may dislike something they have done, but you don’t hate them as a person. A better thing to say would be “I hate how such-and-such thing you did makes me feel”.
3. I’ll never trust you again. You mean everything to your partner because they know you have faith in them and when you say you will not trust them again, the will to stay in the relationship gets shaken.
4. I wish I was with him/her instead of you. This can make your partner feel that you chose them as some kind of compromise and that you still wish you were with someone else. This can make them feel inadequate, unloved and can give rise to bitterness and resentment.
5. You’ve never made me happy. So all those times when you smiles at their little gestures and laughed at their jokes was a farce? No, you say? Well, that’s not what they’ll hear when you tell them they never made you happy.
6. I can’t stand it when you touch me! Once these words are out of your mouth, after that (much after the storm is over) every time you two kiss, or move to make love, it will raise a barrier in your partner’s mind and they will not be able to help but wonder if you really meant it.
7. I can’t stand looking at you! You’ll invariably hurt your partner by conveying to them that their face reminds you of all the bad things between you and they’ll wonder if when you smile at them, it’s fake.
8. I lied to you when… It’s a natural instinct to want to say the meanest things when you’re angry and hurt your partner because that time you’re hurt and you want to give it back. So sometimes you dredge up deceptions from the past just to throw it at them.
But remember; once this mean confession is out of your mouth, you’ll NEVER be able to take it back.
9. Any kind of abuse. Using abusive language just drags you down to a very low level and doesn’t really accomplish anything except little darts of pain to the person in front of you. Try punching a pillow instead!
10. Comments on physical attributes. Everyone has something about their body that makes them self-conscious. And since you two have been together for long, chances are you know each other’s Achilles’ heel. But using it as a weapon of hurt when you’re angry will only cause lifelong scars on the other’s psyche, because they always thought you loved them despite those shortcomings. And these scars rarely heal.
Remember, when you feel compelled to hurt in anger, it’s your mind playing tricks on you and you’re not yourself. Later, no matter how much you say you didn’t mean it, it won’t matter, because it will sound like a cover-up. So the better idea is to stew silently when you’re in a fit of rage and speak up only once the tide is low!
Article by Prachi Vaish for Bonobology.
This article was first published on Bonobology.
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