LIVE Q&A TODAY

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Life is not a smooth ride always and we understand that. We deal with so much through our days that we need some bit of help and a shoulder to lean on. Come and chat with our expert Bethsheba Arsiwala, Counselor and Special Educator at 3 pm today. The chat is on until 5 pm.

TOPIC: About Parenting and Mental Health Concerns

If you want to post an anonymous question, feel free to post a separate question with #MentalWellness.

Do not shy away and ask because it helps and you never know that light is right here! :)

Sample questions:

* How do I deal with my guilt of a working parent?

* Recently I find myself constantly worrying about past and future events and now it is interfering with my day to day routine. What should I do?

* People feel I should be happy as I am a new mother, the truth is I feel more low than happy these days. Any solution to this problem?

* I experience sweaty palms, a lump in my throat and palpations for no reason at times, What can be the reasons for this?

* I constantly worry about being the ideal parent. What is that? Who is an ideal Parent?

* Should I feel guilty to spend time with my husband, my friends or just myself? Should I be a 24/7 parent?

#liveqa #parenting #moderndayparenting #parentingstyle #parentingthesedays #mindfulparenting #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #depression #psychologist #counsellor #specialeducator #bethsheebaarsiwala


Rimsha Idrees Aradhana Sharma Sangeetha Karuna Nisha Dayal Shruti Giri Richa Chowdhary Neha Sharma Archana Bhosale Dr.Dhanya Prajesh Ellora Mohanty Biswal Priyanka Maheshwari Dr. Payal M Dr. Shilpitha Shanthappa Rakhi Puri (beautyofmommying) Sumira Bhatia Foram Sheeba Vijesh Sonam patel dont miss this session!

Zeba Soudagar suchismita patro Suhasini Vinod Isha Sharma Ashika Imthiyaz manvi bhandari Niveditha Rambhajan Kamalini Rao Arwa Hozefa Prachi dont miss!

Thanks for tag asha chaudhry . I will address my concerns

Haa thanx much,, waiting!!

Wow this is going to be so helpful

Experiencing 3rd point, plz help! I cry a lot these days, with newborn just 17 days old..i am overwhelmed, she has jaundice,i am unable to do anything..

i am a mother of 2yr 6months old. my concern is how  to train her for toilet.

my daughter always want me to play with her and my patiences break down after few days as its not possible to play with her all the time. right now i am in my in laws place and only father-in-law is there with us.

Pls explain 5th point

I am 2 months pregnant..Can I eat banana?

Dear ritu singhal,
It is absolutely fine to feel overwhelmed at this point.
You must understand that your body has and will go through a lot of changes post delivery which will bring along some hormonal changes too.
Feeling low, confused, upset are some of the downside of this.
As far your baby ...please don't worry...I am sure she is getting the best medical attention .
What I would like to advise here is:
1. Make notes of all the questions and doubts you have with regards to your baby's health. In the next meeting with the doc, plz clear them all.
2. It is very important that you make some time for yourself each day. Use your support system around you.
3. Schedule a walk , a long bath, 30mins of reading whatever it is that is just your time.
4. Being a new parent is not easy...but first being you is important.
Wishing your baby a speedy recovery !!
Happy parenthood

How to be mentally happy? how can i stop myself not to think about people, who dislike me?
How to be calm down and indulge in happy mood ?
Kindly advice Bethsheba Arsiwala

Dear sneha b,
Teaching kids life skills is always a challenge and each parent does it diiferntly.
What is important to remember is :
1) each child will learn at his own pace.
2) do not make any learning a; stress full time for him or the family.
3) encouraging even the small efforts made by your little one will go a long way.
4) do not compare other kids learning to yours.
5) talk him/ her through the process each day and look for signs when they are ready to try.
6) it will a trial and error learning, the trick is to stay calm, enjoy the teaching and learning experience
At the end...all kids learn all this...it's the time and way we take to do it that will create memories :)
Let me know how it goes

Pranita Rakhecha yes u can! Rich source of calcium & potassium!

sneha b pls read 5 Tips For Potty Training

* I constantly worry about being the ideal parent. What is that? Who is an ideal Parent is this your concern Zegna Fayas

I am always worried about my babys growth ...if everything s goin on well or not......

Hi! How can we be more self reliant and emotionally independnt?

Dear sneha b,
Toddlers have a lot of energy and need to keep channelling it .
I can completely understand it can be very draining and tiring along with that we have all our other responsibilities.
So here are a few tricks, i have tried and tested.
1) set aside time each day to play with her. It could be just 30mins of hands on playing. But that should be undivided attention , avoid phones, house help etc at that time
2) when you are involved in household chores, it may be a good idea to involve your lil one too...e.g folding clothes give her a napkin or two to fold . In the kitchen give her a few empty bowls and spoons to make Some noise. Variation add some water to a few bowls...kids get occupied at length. Try giving her flour to mould.
3) set aside time for yourself and take a break. Make sure she is under supervision at that time.
4) make bed time special by reading one short each day.
Hope this helps...
Write in to me after giving these a shot for a few days!
Have fun

A very useful session Amreen Arwa Hozefa; Susmitha Ch; Kritika Lall; manvi bhandari; revathi suresh; Niveditha Rambhajan; Nisha Dayal; Geetika Jain

Is it okay to induce a fear of something in the kiddos to ensure discipline (like throwing stuff/hitting other kids)

Pls dont miss this session Khushboo Chouhan Richa Kaushik Anisha Agarwal

thank u bethsheba and asha for the helpful comment.

Hii #bethsheebaarsiwala can i ask in hindi?

#parenting #mentalwellness .
1.Now days my constant concern is my career break.
2.Before & after having child I feel so much difference in my enthusiasm and  approach, attitude towards life. Now days I m not interested in anything.
Pls advice Bethsheba Arsiwala

Dear Zegna and shipra,
We all are constantly questioning ourselves ..wondering if we are doing the right thing...if it have any negative impact on our children etc.
The truth of the matter is..
There is no right and wrong in parenting!!!!
It's all about being mindful, understanding your child's needs , your family needs and your own needs.
In today's world with the technology boom and information overload , it's hard to keep up to the ever changing times.
But in my understanding and what I say and practise is
Keep your family close
Each day set aside even if it's 10mins for just talk and family time.
Set time for yourself.
It's fine to get upset it's ok to be sad and it's just ok to say no.
But it's very important to be mindful of how our temper and behaviour is seen .
Mistakes will happen and good things will happen.
Create your own rules and style
Parenthood is a tiring and at same time a joyful journey .
Move with it and have fun along the way!

Hi Bethsheba, how can we handle shyness in kids? One of my kids is too shy to go to anyone even at 3.5 years. Should I give her time or do I need to do something?

Hi Bethsheba Arsiwala,
I am a very sensitive person. I take things too seriously sometimes. If someone pass some bad comments about my son, I go restless, I can't handle it. I immediately feel I am a bad parent, I don't deserve to be a mother..I am not doing good...on some day I would raise my voice on him unnecessarily getting all the frustration out on him..I would blame him for not being good....I know it's wrong and not acceptable but I am unable to control my emotionas when it comes to my son... people say and forget but I can't let those comments go out of my mind... I don't even try to give them back..I just can't.. not even parents I can't be mean to anyone it's not my nature... people seems to be taking advantage of that....how to handle this...I feel frustrated sometimes and how I teach him to be not like me... Need help desperately!! Thanks!!

Dear Parul Johari,
Happiness is very subjective and it all starts with YOU!
It's important to remind your self that you are only responsible for your actions and words.
What other people make of it , is something you cannot control.
We often Spend a lot of time thinking of how we could change what others think and feel .
But if you have done your best and to your ability then the rest in their hands.
Another important aspect...we need to train our mind to be present in the present and enjoy the moment.
If you do have thoughts that disturb.
Take time to ask yourself if there is anything you can do right now to help it.if the answer is NO, come back to the present and tell yourself we will deal with it when we come to it.
Mindfulness

Dear Shruthi,
Please do ask all your doubts and queries each time you visit your paediatric. There is no small or big question.
Also remember each kid grows differently.
If he is happy and active kid...
Let him be and enjoy him!!!

My daughter is 3 yrs old and she has contipation prblm...wht should i do?

I overthink alot..its very difficult for me to stop it..sometimes I think about all the possible bad things which can happen in life and think about thr ways I can survive those..I know I am wasting time but thoughts just dont go away!

Hello Priya sood,
I strongly believe we all are dependent beings...
But each of us need to draw from strengths within to make boundaries of dependency.
Taking up new tasks, challenging our fears one small step at a time...all leads to feelings of independence and thus gives us more emotional and mental security.
At the same time...I'd like to add...reach out to that special one when you need to...
That too helps!

hii..my daughter is 1 yr old..n she is gettin very stubborn..n if we dont hv her what she wants she starts crying badly..i get so angry at times..how do i handle dis

Hello Divya Arya,
Fear should not be used as a tool to discipline or teach.
Please do look for more positive ways to do the same.
Story telling, positive reinforcements can be thought of

Hi,
Of late i seem to have withdrawn myself from my husband n in laws..in laws dont stay with us thou.. if they say something i hear n oblige but the usual gossip, chit chat, sharing, conversation are not there.. reason being i just dont feel like it... i hv this feeling these days that i m not been given importance at all.. i m on a career break right now.. i hv turned a pessimist somehow which i never was.. some say meditate.. but no effect.. even if i try to converse with hubby somehow i m not able to articulate my thoughts n we end up in a quarrel.. hence of late i keep quiet.. but this is not the solution..

For sure Tarru Zaid

How do I deal with my guilt of a working parent? Please help Bethsheba Arsiwala

Mein jyada depressed rehti hu bcoz in laws k saath rehna unke under kaam karna kitna bhi kaam karu kam padta hai aur kuch na kuch galti nikalte rehte hai fir jhagadte hai aur issi vajah se mentally bahut effect ho raha hai hamesha mood off rehna gabhrahat aur bechaini yahi sab sikayat rehti hai yaha mere kou friends bhi nahi hai isiliye parents aur sis k saath daily baat kar leti hu..issi vajah se darr lagta hai in sab ka effect baby pe to nahi padega kya me baby ka ache se khayal rakh rahi hu ya nahi.; Plz give me some advice ki me apne aap me kuch improve la saku..

Dear Archana Bhosale,
Parenting can be very challenging and demanding too. We are constantly torn between various choices .
Please do take time away to make a list with pro's and con's of all your options and choice.
It will be imperative to make conscious decisions with regards to your career and home roles.
Take help while making a decision from your trusted circle.
Also please read above comments on making time for yourself, being mindful etc.
Wishing you lots of luck

Dear Kool RT,
Each child is different and are born with different traits.
It's fine to be shy or to be an extrovert!
At 3.5 she is still understanding her world around her. Be supportive of her feelings , give her opportunities to interact in the presence of your comfort. Don't push her into anything that makes her very uncomfortable.
Give her time.
Only and only if it begins to hamper daily activities do we think of something.
Otherwise enjoy her and her uniqueness!!!

Dear Shruti Giri,
Take pride in being sensitive...
Trust me the world needs more people like this :)
Having said that , it cab be a nightmare to keep on constantly being haunted by all the negative comments and remarks.
Let me put it this way...
You can only and only be responsible for your actions and words.
You cannot and have no control on others thoughts and behaviour.
Keep telling yourself this each morning as you wake up for the next 25 days and alternate nights.
Please do try this...it helps.
Talk to your child about good and bad...talk to him about reactions and consequences.
That every action will have a reaction good or bad and we will have to live with it.
So before you do or say anything evaluate the consequence. Once you are prepared for the outcome...that will give u peace!!!
Tell yourself each day..
I am me...I do all that I can to the best of my ability.
Others I have no control over

Bethsheba Arsiwala hi..I used to be an anxiety patient 3 years back..due to some personal reasons and staying away from my parents from long coz of studies and work, I started getting anxiety attacks..I could not breathe..had to unbutton; my bra most of the times..I was on Fludac for almost 2 years!
The problem is even now I get depressed thinking of past or if left alone esp in the evenings after waking up..I just don't feel good at all unless someone talks to me and diverts my mind or something exciting I have in my routine to do..i think way too much and cannot just stol my mind leading to depression..i have become very weak due to few past experiences..i need soneone always..
what disease it could be and how to overcome it?

Hello Bethsheba Arsiwala .
Nowadays i get frustated /irritated soon dnt know why. Feel bit tired from the same routine nd feeling like i m not able to do everything properly . Baby is hyper active nd doesnt sit for a min, doesnt play with toys . I m alone whole day to tc of baby, so may be due to that i m getting much tired the whole day. Due to that i got frustated by eve nd want to just run out of everything. How can i overcome this thing. Also my inlaws keep on taunting that i m not working nd all, so it leads to depression. Any suggestions would be of grt help.

Thanks Beth 😘😘

Hello Niveditha Rambhajan,
Having a plan for worse come scenarios is fine. But if you are constantly thinking about these and it's affecting your day to day activities, please do consider counselling in order to help you tackle it.
Thank you

Hi Sneha Chhabria,
It is ideal to start with a routine / discipline plan after the age of two.
However small things like delayed gratification can begin by 1.5years.
Maintaining a calm voice and body language is very important now when you are dealing with her stubbornness.
Mostly it could be her inability to express herself...
Help her to do so and see the change

Bethsheba Arsiwala , Hello mam..
My husband these days have become very possessive.. like I need to be 24/7 with my baby when baby is not sleeping. He always says to keep an eye on the baby which I do. But in weekends when hubby is at home..I'm finding difficult to manage cooking and baby care as baby is active almost all the time and husband says to be with baby leaving aside all work. I'm.becoming tired with this behavior..I argue saying to take care of baby 1hr and I will finish cooking..but he says baby is not sitting on one place and I can't handle.him.for more 20mins..how should I explain and.make him realize that both mom.and dad have equal role and I too become tired.. please guide me

Dear Priyanka; Maheshwari,
Have you considered taking up a hobby or a short course of some kind?
Maybe you need some intellectual stimulation.
As far as not being able to communicate ..try penning your thoughts and feelings.
All of us go through times of withdrawal and feeling low.
The idea is to recognise those signs (like u have) and work out a plan to come out of it.
It's ok to feel down just don't unpack and stay there !!!
Reach out to me if anything!!!

Hello Yogini Kandre,
Don't we all?!?!? :)
I'd like to say here something very short but very meaningful.
I firmly believe in Quality over quantity
If you can spend even an hour or 30 mins of undivided and happy time with your kids...no matter at home or working...I think you've aced it!!!
Parenthood is an extension of your being not your whole being.
Only; and only if YOU are happy and content with yourself ...will you have happy and content children.
So go to work, take that break, meet your friends, date your husband and be a loving and nurturing parent!!!

Hi Bethsheba
Thankyou for conducting this session
I am too much dependent on my huby emptionally and he is a very practical person. He is shy in expressing affection otherwise he has a very good sense of humour...but sometimes I feel to be pampered...its missing nd after baby the focus has completely shifted to her. I miss being a wife sometimes. He constantly sees me as a mother of her daughter who needs sleep only!

i was always a social chirping bird...full of life....trying hard to be same but failed....found myself fussy tired n sleepy....i try my best for the baby n got help from hubby too whn he is available....still neither i want to go out nor get tym to read anything....life is so controlled these ...
dnt know is it overthinker.... or jUST normal...Couldnot touch my social life at all

Dear Tarru Zaid,
I completely understand your feelings.
I am sorry that you have to deal with all this!
But please understand one thing...
There is only so much you can do for anyone and everyone.
If they have an issue and u can solve it please do. If not you will have to learn to let go.
As I said earlier too...we all are very conscious parents and will do the best for our kids.
Remove time for yourself...talk with your husband. Go out with your lil one and make new friends
Take care

Hey wow beautifully sorted thank you so much Bethsheba Arsiwala, it means a lot thank you so much

Hi Kritika lall,
It looks like you may still be having anxiety. I suggest you to meet with your doc again and also to begin counselling soon.
Please reach out if anything
Take care

how to ignore those who taunt and make your moral down.Everyday I try to be positive and have that courage to do things my son who needs extra care and concern.Going through a tough parenting and relationship issues at the same time.How to make a balance with everything.

asha chaudhry maam thank you for tagging. Actually my baby is not well...she had mild fever in morning and was too cranky...

Tc Richa Kaushik hope baby feels better soon

Hi. Recently I came in contact with some toddlers (2+ yrs) who were very physical- hitting pushing tearing things etc. I was astonished to see that none of their mums were correcting their behaviour. Infact a senior parent (happens to be a teacher) said this behaviour is normal as they r expressing themselves. I don't think that is correct. Some of the mums seemed to find all this very funny.;
One of those children has slight behavioural issues also with mild speech delay. What do you make of all of this. To each his own..but i would not laugh if my child has hit someone.

Hello Manvi Bhandari,
It's absolutely normal to feel the way you do.
Keeping up with an active baby alone is not easy.
Maybe you can tap into your support system and take time off in between.; If your husband is off on the weekends ...leave the baby with him for an hour or two.
Take up a class with your small one something like musical bonding etc.
Keep taking with her and get her engaged in activities while you do chores or are taking a breather.
Most important is to spend time with your self and then your husband ...

Hello Kamalini Rao,
Talk with your husband and understand his insecurities when it comes to the baby.
You will have to involve him in small baby related chores and also keep explaining to him the need for a break and help.
Is it possible you can get him to talk with your doctor or someone?

Dear Richa Kaushik,
Why don't you take the drivers seat!?!?
You know many of us have this expectation that our partner/ spouse , friends etc should know what we want without us really ever having told them.
Bas ek unsaid expectation Hain. :)
Try talking to him about how you feel. Tell him how to Romance you.
Maybe you can lead by example
Have you dressed up for him recently.
It's very easy to get consumed by parenting and think of our significant other as just the care giver or nurturer.
You will have to work on him seeing you as a wife too.
Take help from your support system and plan an evening or night out.
Put the baby to bed early...stay up late once in a; while....
Make it work...talk and express.
Don't forget to appreciate the things he starts to do !!!
All the best!

Dear Radha Priya,
Some times it's ok to let go..
So what if your kids lunch a lil late once in a while. So what of he sleeps late...so what if he skips a bath...
It's too early to set routines.
And it's also important to stray away from routines sometimes.
Force yourself once twice to get out make it a task.
Let your self go...take a break!!!

Thanks Bethsheba....I will try my best😊

Dear Sonam zarin,
The world is made up of all types of people.
Please don't let the insecurities of their own rub off on you.
Concentrate on what is important...your son.
If it's overbearing maybe you should consider counselling .
Wish you lots of love and luck

Meri beti bahut chidchidati h jidddi h 3 sal ki hone wali h Lekin Susu k Ni kah pati what I do

Hello Dr Payal M,
If it comes to your child and someone hits him...I feel you have the right to stop and correct the other kid...
Please do keep talking to; your kid about good behaviour.
No, it's not fair that due to ignorance from others, we or our kids should suffer!!!
But if it is a kid with special needs some empathy is needed again not at the expense of our kid.

Richa kaushik,
Wishing your baby a speedy recovery!!!

Hlo Bethsheba.....my 5 year boy is mentally very weak....hw to make hm strong....if suppose vll scream him in day tym for something dat he vll remind it at nyt in sleeping n start crying badly.....wat shld be done am really worried


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