Batul is such a wonderful baby and has filled our lives with such happiness and love. Her dad never wanted kids so soon in the first place and i insisted on having one ever since we completed a year.
And there! almighty blessed us with her but there! i have been all in all in such a terrible state. Some people have been a helping pillar while many have bombabarded with suggestions and comments etx making me go even more insane.
It's been crazy and its getting crazier.
While everyone seems to be settling down with their babies in feeding and sleeping schedules here i am still trying to understand why does she need milk every other hour and how much more will i have to feed so tht we can avoid fm.
This is not a complain of me being fed up of being a failure at so many things but a way of letting my inner self throw up whats inside boiling and making my life miserable.
I am tired of looking miserable, feeling miserable and even more not being able to share happiness and give positivity to my lo. My lil lo who is such a precious soul, such a big blessing, such a lovely lil cute dolly that i am not caring enough for.
But here is also a mother who has finally decided Dear lord! That i won't give up on trying and trying and trying whether i reach there or no. I have also realised thats there would always be certain things in life which would never be in our control no matter how hard we tried to get it. And so i have convinced myself so what if my baby has to be fed fm a few times a day atleast i am doing better than before and that bf or fm it doesn't make me less of a mother. How will i be able to cope with other challenges of motherhood if all i keep stressing myself about is why my bm is not enough? And why and how i have to reach there! NO!! I don't want to reach anywhere all i want is to be the best i can even if it meant i am not enough all at once.
So here we are as a family taking it slow and steady and not all at once.! We are loving each day once and trying not to fret over everything each day!