I was married for 2 years and had been working since 2 and a half years already. Planning the family and baby was on my mind for quiet some time, yet I was not sure. As we were not yet professionally and financially settled. I was working long hours at the emergency and also was busy with some health problems of my sister in law and father in law. Suddenly my college friends group expressed their desire to go on a trip. Coincidentally there was an attack on the emergency by the local mob, so i had decided to leave the job. I planned a 5 day trip to shillong with my girlfriends. It was the first outing of my life. We had not even been on a honeymoon. I backed my bags; resigned from job and just went on the trip. I had my first flight from bhubaneswar to kolkata and second from kolkata to shillong. The second flight was delayed by 6 hours due to unpredictable weather of meghalaya. But we were departed to guwahati from kolkata. And from guwahati to shillong by road. That was the darkest ride i had of my life. We were scared internally a lot. But finally we got our hotel. It was chilling cold at shillong. We were shivering and teething their. I had never ever experienced anything so chilling ever in my life. We got the rooms and i was super excited for the next day. Everything went as per plan. We went for sight seeing. On the last day we headed for mawlynong and dawki. And believe me the boat ride at Shnongpeden, Dawki was just enthralling. The experience was spiritually so enriching that I felt as if my soul was meditating on the lap of the God there. The clear water , the flowing water, the ripples, the blue azure and the cool breeze just brought my body mind amd soul to an equilibrium. A balance of peace that I had no idea about. At that point I missed my husband a lot. I called out for his name between the mountains and declared my love for him to the universe. When the echo hit my ears I felt rumbles in my tummy. While returning i was all smiles. My husband picked me up from the airport and we were out of control. And suddenly I felt I was ready for the baby. I asked him to skip the safety. Soon I became busy with the health issues of my sister in law and father in law. After a couple of weeks both were admitted in two far away hospitals. And I was rushing around both the places restlessly. The day after they both were discharged from the hospital, i went home and hit the bed peacefully. Next day I woke up too nauseous just like a hangover. I demanded for a big tumbler of lemonade. I drank it up, then me and my husband looked at each other surprisingly and I giggled. He rushed for the preganews kit and an i can kit too. Both were positive. We got ready and rushed to the gynaecologist. We got the scan done and the tests brought up GDM too. And there my dilemma and anxiety started. I searched for pregnancy apps on the playstore and downloaded babychakra. Suddenly i was hit by the set back my career was going to face, for which I wasn't ready.I had not yet realused that my roller coaster ride had already begun. I started going through the app. I just posted and messaged anybody I could about my anxieties. I got a lot of positive thoughts from all momstars active on the app at that time, especially doctor payal m. who almost held my hand through it. And then i got addicted to the app. All through the pragnacy I was nauseous and weak. I used to keep myself busy with colouring books, likhit naam japa, diary writing, a pregnancy workbook named #Mommylogy helped a lot; motivating pregnancy movies on repeat modes, baby videos, and babychakra ofcourse. Towards the end i lost a lot of sleep at night and starte night club on babychakra for all the pregnant owls like me. And after 15 days I had hypertension that refused to settle down with medications. And I landed up in the OT for emergency LSCS. On september 22 2018 at 5:41pm GOVIND was born. I heard his shrill cry. But he was rushed straight to the nicu for mild breath retraction. And post delivery i was under observation for 48 hours for the unsettling blood pressure. A magnesium sulphate injection was being injected every 4 hours along with tranquilizers and calcium channel blockers, still i had no sleep. On the 3rd day somehow the bp came down and I was shifted to my room and was urged to breastfeed my baby in NICU. All the intramuscular injections had ripped me off all my strength. The physical pain was so unbearable that I couldn't make it upto the NICU. I saw him on the 4th day and could hold him on the fifth day. He was started on firmula the third day. I endlessly pumped my breasts at the NICU for breastmilk but in vain. But I continued to give KMC at NICU for hours together sitting on a plastic chair. On the 7th day I could feed him 15 ml of breast milk only. On 10th day he was discharged. And then started my struggle of being an inexperienced new mom. The scarred weak body and a small weak baby. I didn't know whom to tend first. Somehow i sailed through the first 3 months with the help of my husband. I have shared all my experiences in those times through #refluxingbaby and it still continues.
But the exhaustion had already started showing up on our relationship. Finally, I called upon my mom for help at the time of Govind's 2nd month vaccination. She could know more see my pain and brought me back home with my baby. So now here i am at mom's place. My mom is helping me a lot so that I can kick back into my career. I got a new job at a rural PHC which is 80 kms away from home and trainings to add to it. But because of my mother's support, I am now able to do all things fearlessly, without any worries and confidently. By God's grace, I aspire to pace up in my career. After all, slow and steady wins the race. I have become more patient and accepting of unfavourable sitiations now. Motherhood has evolved me into a calmer being on the outside, as i continue to be the emotional whirlpool still internally. But, I am sure one day Govind ll be proud of me. And my parents will be happy with me as well. All is well that ends well.