After my babies, I shared quite a bit about how I was one of those mamas who never bounced back and I actually didn't... I now like to think that I've bounced forward.
For about 7 months after Levi was born I wanted so badly to stop hating my body. I know "hate" such a strong word to use for a body that has never failed me, but it's the truth. I'm not proud of it but it's how I felt. Not being able to accept what I was looking at in the mirror for months completely crushed me. It broke me mentally and even though I found in this space body positive activist that inspired me, I looked at their “flaws” and saw such beauty. My “flaws” somehow felt different, ugly to me.
I had fought so hard at spreading positive messages, to feel included, to encourage self love and to be comfortable with who I am but most days I felt like a fraud when I couldn't love me.
Somewhere from that time to now I found a new me, I re-discovered me in ways I didn't even know existed. I found that I didn't need to waste my energy and time being so consumed with wanting to have my pre-baby body back.
The truth is, I was completely exhausted at being angry at myself, I was so drained for feeling uncomfortable and not worthy.
When I stop pumping all of Levi's food, which was 20 mins every 3 hours for 8 months, I decided to still take those 20 mins just for me. Those 20 mins enabled a way for me to find me, love me and care for the body that had created two little miracles. To heal the body that has never failed me.
I quickly evolved from days of hating me to just disliking parts of me to now appreciating my perfect imperfections and understanding that my beauty is what lines within.
If you've been here for a while you would have seen my struggles, my highs and lows on this beautiful chaotic journey, I thank you for always being my biggest supporters in this space. If you're still reading and feel any of these emotions I once felt know that you have the choice to take control of them. To acknowledge, to accept and act upon. It's easier said than done but I promise you'll find your strength and will get through this. 🙌🏼