I cried myself to sleep last night...

It took me a few months but I was finally feeling better after my 4th loss in January.

But this roller-coaster is taking me for one hell of a ride and things only seem to keep getting worse.

I used to be so optimistic that eventually everything would just work out on it's own.

I wanted to trust my body.
I wanted to BELIEVE in my body.

But right now, I'm feeling a little defeated.

Right now I feel bitter.

I don't want to feel this way, but I do.

I'm bitter about everything my body has ALREADY been through.

And I'm bitter that I know that even though I've endured 4 losses, 2 D&Cs, 2 blood transfusions, emergency room visits, endless visits with wanda, countless tests, medications, hormones, and needles...
It's really only the beginning.

(On top of my APS, MTFHR, low Progesterone & Estrogen, and Diminished Ovarian Reserve... I'm pretty sure I'm not ovulating on my own anymore (or at least now right now).

And because I have Diminished Ovarian Reserve I don't have time to waste.

So I have an appointment with my R.E. to confirm and to talk about next steps.)

I am starting to realize and am working on accepting that the road ahead will not be easy.

I've been patient, I've waited, I've taken every supplement known to boost fertility, I've consumed more Pineapples, Pomegranate and Maca Powder then ever, I've religiously done Acupuncture, I've done EVERYTHING possible to help my body make & keep a baby on it's own... and it's so hard to accept that it's just out of my control.

I need medical support to have a baby.
My body doesn't seem capable of doing it on it's own.
And I don't know why accepting that is so hard.😞

I should be happy that help is available, but right now I'm sad that I need help in the first place.

I am bitter about how hard it is for my body to have a baby.

I'd give anything for it to be easier.

To my sisters going through something similar, I know how hard it is to sit in these feelings and that's why I'm sharing.

I want to validate you.
This journey is so hard and you're entitled to feel however you feel!

How has your journey made you feel?"

@linnystone
#supportseveryone #momhealth