I'm a guilty mom...;

Motherhood is bliss, definitely... Not everyone gets there easily, some go through a lot more than one can imagine just to see those two pink lines. God has been very generous to me, neither did I struggle or plan but I had the two pink lines on my test kit. Aarav came into my life at a moment where I wasn't totally prepared but I knew it was time.;

The news of pregnancy prepares you for everything good, better, best. Awakening the mother in you is not just the job of the hormones, but it's a blessing every woman is born with.... Imagine the day your formed in your mother's womb itself you have your ovaries ready with the number of eggs it's should release all your life from the day you 1st menstruate. Technically a woman is born with that, womanhood, love to her is more about emotions than material.;

After a baby comes in, life changes crazily. You are now a mom, so much that you care-less for yourself. I had been through some crazy times after my delivery and sometimes I started to sulk at having a baby. It was not that I was unhappy, but I was going through a lot mentally, physically and emotionally.; As Aarav grew up, I taught him to be more independent, that was my idea of raising my child from the beginning. Self feeding, self playing, being able to use the toilet for basic nature call and hand wash and a lot more. But sometimes things don't go to plan, he is a baby after all and not a robot. So tantrums, cranky times, witching hours...phewww and what not.;

There are times when I would have gotten mad at him, mad as in mad. Sometimes I did beat him or shout at him, my poor baby didn't know how to respond or react but come back to me. I WAS GUILTY each time something like this happen.. I was scared that I might hurt him and cause him to distance from me. I knew, that wasn't the person I am, but it happen. My husband too noticed this change in me, but waited on me and trusted me. One particular day, I was in a bad shape and literally screamt at Aarav, my husband just grabbed him and took him away. He didn't let me touch him almost like for 3 hours, I was down in tears. But later my baby came back to me saying "Mumma loves aaru, aaru loves Mumma". He (my husband) thought I was getting into depression and needed professional help. But he was open to discuss and talk, he first arranged for dinner that night and started talking to me. It took time because of what happen that afternoon, we started talking and then he realised I wasn't resting enough and I was constantly trying to be a better mom and that was causing tremendous pressure. Instead of being better I was making things worse.

Dear Mom's..take time to understand what's going wrong. I know we want only the best for our baby, but more than the best the baby wants us...wants you. His/her connection to this world is you. There's no ranking as good, better ,best, you are your child's mom and your child accepts you for whatever and whoever you are unconditionally. Things happen, sh.t happens and happens only to humans especially mom's cause we are constantly fighting. Care for yourself too, you too need love, pampering, care and time. Breathe in and breathe out whenever things are getting out of hand. I choose to move out of the place and notice Aarav just follows. Talk it out, my husband is my super counselor, my friend, my buddy, my parent, my comforter and a lot more, so I fall back on him and I know I can feel rest assured and accepted. Rejection is another fear for most us, don't worry that tiny life needs you in and out. Talk to anyone you know can help you best. Go to the parlor and get a facial or pedicure or a haircut done. Trust me things will start looking different. He still throws tantrums but I know how to handle it better and make it easier for both him and me.

Being a mom is not easy, but being a mom is a beautiful blessing with lots of ups, downs, slides, avalanches, landslides and a lifetime of roller coaster ride.;;