Loss of a Baby 💔💔💔

Pregnancy loss is devastating, no matter when it happens or what the circumstances are. With time, however, comes healing.
💔There are no words to explain the depth of despair that a parent goes through when attempting to understand the shift that occurs when all hopes and expectations suddenly drop out from underneath anything stable.
It is an experience that many will never need to make sense of and also one that many others will swim through unexpectedly.;It is tragic and drastic and totally and completely unfair;

💔i have gone through; one in June 2016 ... though it was a forced abortion which I had to go through .. I wasn't

Ready for it but then my husband's family didn't accepted our court marriage .. so there was no option left ..
How would we take care of the baby when the paternal side isn't ready to accept the mom ( me) ..
After heated arguments , discussions finally I agreed for it ..; at around 9 th week I took MTP kit ..
💔💔you know what was worse I have pcod .. gynaec told us there can be a chance I may never conceive again ..
But with no options left I still had to go through the loss..
It's said the mother gets connected with the baby moment she comes to know she is pregnant unlike father's who wouldn't even realise they are having a Baby until they hold it in their hand👼👼
It was the same condition with me .. I was connected to the baby afterall I got pregnant for the first time ..

Worst of all second day Rohit had to leave for duty... so I was all alone ...
The pain was unbearable emotionally and physically .. continuous good glow and stomach ache was killing me ...
I went through a lot ..for others it was an ABORTION .. FOR ME IT WAS LOSS; OF MY BABY ..

😑Ignorance and denial - I couldn't believe it happened with me.. I used to hear stories about loss of baby.. and then all of a sudden I was facing it . I was not able to accept it
😑GUILT - for days I blamed myself for killing someone.. for not saving the life ..
I had this feeling maybe it was all my fault
DEPRESSION AND TRAUMA- For the first time I went into depression .. would have strong feelings of killing myself .. I would not eat ..would cry all day .

Would not change .. would not dress up ..
😑Blame - I would blame god; for giving the worst of life .. blame myself for not taking a stand .. blame my parents for not talking to Rohit' s parents .. in short blame everyone and everything ..
❤My dogs became my biggest support they would be near me all the time .. they could sense something was terribly wrong with me which no humans could gaze 🐶

( Nd that's why I share this out of the world with them )
❤❤❤Gradually Rohit and my family along with my dogs came to my rescue .. they would counsel me make me understand this is not the end of the world ..

I knew it wasn't but my heart couldn't accept it .. days passed
💔I would still look at the first ultrasound I had and would cry .
Until one day when I saw a post about a puppy..young dog; baby being abandoned ..

The reason was unknown ..
I couldn't resist the puppy eyes ..his face would do rounds in my mind ..and finally I spoke to Rohit and adopted Him ..
3 dogs ... people would call us crazy but it didn't matter I knew I was doing something right ..
Flash was accepted by my dogs immediately ..; I would dedicate all my time and started coming out of my my grief ....

Flash was growing , Rohit got posted to Srinagar and we moved to a new city ..
❤❤I took charge of my life once again ..and decided to move on .. started cooking a lot .. would read recipe books , food blogs watch food shows ...
Food and cooking became my soul friends .. I was always fond of cooking .. but never knew it would act as a stressbuster , a passion , a mode of rejuvenation for me ..( 🍕🥞🍗🍔 for people who question me how do I know so many recipes )
❤In nov I conceived Mannat ... I still can't express this miracle of god ..; we were overwhelmed 🤰🤰

❤life was getting back in track ... everything was falling in place ..Rohit hot promoted , a Baby was on the way what else could I ask for ..

❤I started going out , dressing up , doing makeup things I was always fond of ..
And then i realised what I was missing ..
I was Missing ME ..✋✋
In the this whole grief of losing the baby I lost myself ..
Wasn't that unfair ??

If even I would have got that baby and rohits parents didn't agree .. life would have been so disturbing ..
I could not have justified his birth 💔
When I look back I realise almighty made a super duper plan for me ..

Everything on right time , right place
🤘Kehte Hain na " Naseeb se jyada aur samay se pehle kuch nahi milta"
🤰This post is for all mommas who had a pregnancy loss ... you are one of strongest people on earth ...
Message to mommas going through any kind of pregnancy ...
Darling get up and take charge
❤if I would have been in the grieving phase how would I ever gave a cordial relationship with husband and conceive..
❤Mourn about the loss but don't let it ruin your life .if you don't move on how would you know what's in store for you ??
❤There is always a better tommorow

❤Try finding happiness; in something ..

❤Find a inspiration .. I found it in my dogs and Cooking .. don't sit idol and waste your time..

❤💃💃💃I know it's easier said then done but show the world how strong you are
❤❤This Is for people who asked me how do I get time to dress up always ..

I have seen my self dying I don't want to bryeay God and myself again .. that's why the smile , makeup and dressing
❤❤I enjoyed pregnancy through our because I am the CHOSEN ONE .. not everyone is blessed to bring a life .. so I don't pay heed on in laws, weight gain or whatever..; my pregnancy would never come back that's what I had in mind and I enjoyed it.....
❤❤my diy; and my strength is all dedicated to my daughter ...
No ONE; can put my feelings in words so I like to show it to show it through Gesture ..
Mannat has made me stronger and wiser.
For everyday I pray we become each other's strength and live life to the fullest .
She is a blessing in Disguise and my motivation everyday to fulfill my dreams .
❤❤Because she never demanded her mom to be lost ..
SHE WANT HERS MOM TO BE HERSELF
p.s in the pic when I was 3 month pregnant , first pic of flash and my rainbow #momathon2 ;
#wondermomma