“My Saga of the two lines!”
I and my husband are now married for about seven years. We had thought of not having babies for at least five years as ours was an arrange marriage and we lived in different cities before marriage. So I wanted to spend some good five years along with him, understand him well and then take a mutual decision to take up this “Big responsibility” of having a baby.
Time passed away in like fractions of seconds and it seemed at four years that now we are saturated with each other, have had enough of fun in life and now we need something new and exciting. Thats when we decided to bring in this new phase of life thats parenthood. We were quite excited as we use to see our neighbours kids going out with their parents on Sundays. These little ones calling them “mumma-papa”! The excitement was crazy. I always thought that I would conceive Very easily but to my surprise I dint. It took me nearly one year to conceive. Every time when I would see the “Red Spot” on my monthly cycles, I would be totally shattered. I use to literally wait when my periods date will be missed and when will I use the “Pregnancy test” kit. Everyone’s face in my house would be shattered months after months.
The thought of visiting a doctor did cross my mind but then I did a little google search (ha ha ha which most women’s do for their all sort of problems) that it takes about one to one and a half year to conceive naturally. So I was a bit relaxed with the doctor visit thing.
It was around the time when we where celebrating our 5th Anniversary and I had got to see those two lines for the very first time in my life. We where on top of the world. I remember my husband uttering theses words in my ears, “ you have given me the best anniversary gift ever, love you two💖.
All was going well until my 7th week. It was a bright Sunday morning, I had just taken a nice head shower and what I see stains of blood on my towel. I got very scared and frightened as to what was this? Thereby, I called the doctor immediately and as it was a Sunday, he told me to take complete bed rest with some medication and see him the next day early morning in his clinic. That whole night I dint sleep worrying about this little one inside me. I somewhat had an instinct that something is really wrong.
I got up early and I went to the doctors clinic immediately. The doctor did a scan and said, “ there is no heartbeat!” I was like did I hear it right? What is he trying to say? I went numb, I just dint want him to repeat the same thing again. He replied in a soft tone, Upasana” baby has no heart beat, you have had a miscarriage.” I was like are you really sure? He said firmly “yes”.
My heart sank down and we both dint know what to do. Not a single tear dropped down my & nor my husbands eye because we were not ready to believe and somewhat I felt that the doctor, the nurse and all the clinic staff is our enemy. We sat in the car, our comfort zone and we both bursted out into tears. That was the very first time I had seen my husband cry out loud.
The next step was a DNC as the baby was big and wouldn’t come out with medication. After two days the DNC was done and all looked fine until the terror cropped up. I had bleeding for about 25 continuous days. The doctor who had done my DNC said it’s quite normal to bleed for that many days but I was somewhere feeling that something is wrong. So I took the help of Mr. Google and got to know that if the DNC is not done properly and if there is any retained tissues then the blood supply will continue and that’s why you bleed this long. So the immediate next day I visited another gynaecologist and he did a scan and said that there is something in there. It may be a blood cloth or a retained tissue. So he gave me another medicine and he told me that it will come out naturally. So we did a scan after 5 days and all looked clean but I was still bleeding heavily. By then I was very sure that there is a retained tissue in my body as it had already been 35 days. So I decided to go back to my moms place in Bangalore and get it checked with my familiar gynaecologist. There the doctor did just one scan and got to know it’s a retained tissue and needs an immediate second DNC. I had full trust in her and I went in for the DNC again. My bleeding stopped the very next day and the tissues where given for testing in laboratory and to my right intuition it was confirmed retained tissue being found. I signed a sense of relief once my bleeding stopped.
After all this hassle I just wanted a break from this planning business. So after about 8 months we started trying and it just clicked. I could see those two beautiful line again. My heart was happy but had a little fear to that what if?
Then I decided to change my mindset and look at it as though everything is gonna be right this time. The power of positivity flew in me.
#momstinypumpkin #BBCreatorclub #twolines #pregnancysaga
Stay tuned for my next post on “My journey to Motherhood, My Pregnancy!”
I and my husband are now married for about seven years. We had thought of not having babies for at least five years as ours was an arrange marriage and we lived in different cities before marriage. So I wanted to spend some good five years along with him, understand him well and then take a mutual decision to take up this “Big responsibility” of having a baby.
Time passed away in like fractions of seconds and it seemed at four years that now we are saturated with each other, have had enough of fun in life and now we need something new and exciting. Thats when we decided to bring in this new phase of life thats parenthood. We were quite excited as we use to see our neighbours kids going out with their parents on Sundays. These little ones calling them “mumma-papa”! The excitement was crazy. I always thought that I would conceive Very easily but to my surprise I dint. It took me nearly one year to conceive. Every time when I would see the “Red Spot” on my monthly cycles, I would be totally shattered. I use to literally wait when my periods date will be missed and when will I use the “Pregnancy test” kit. Everyone’s face in my house would be shattered months after months.
The thought of visiting a doctor did cross my mind but then I did a little google search (ha ha ha which most women’s do for their all sort of problems) that it takes about one to one and a half year to conceive naturally. So I was a bit relaxed with the doctor visit thing.
It was around the time when we where celebrating our 5th Anniversary and I had got to see those two lines for the very first time in my life. We where on top of the world. I remember my husband uttering theses words in my ears, “ you have given me the best anniversary gift ever, love you two💖.
All was going well until my 7th week. It was a bright Sunday morning, I had just taken a nice head shower and what I see stains of blood on my towel. I got very scared and frightened as to what was this? Thereby, I called the doctor immediately and as it was a Sunday, he told me to take complete bed rest with some medication and see him the next day early morning in his clinic. That whole night I dint sleep worrying about this little one inside me. I somewhat had an instinct that something is really wrong.
I got up early and I went to the doctors clinic immediately. The doctor did a scan and said, “ there is no heartbeat!” I was like did I hear it right? What is he trying to say? I went numb, I just dint want him to repeat the same thing again. He replied in a soft tone, Upasana” baby has no heart beat, you have had a miscarriage.” I was like are you really sure? He said firmly “yes”.
My heart sank down and we both dint know what to do. Not a single tear dropped down my & nor my husbands eye because we were not ready to believe and somewhat I felt that the doctor, the nurse and all the clinic staff is our enemy. We sat in the car, our comfort zone and we both bursted out into tears. That was the very first time I had seen my husband cry out loud.
The next step was a DNC as the baby was big and wouldn’t come out with medication. After two days the DNC was done and all looked fine until the terror cropped up. I had bleeding for about 25 continuous days. The doctor who had done my DNC said it’s quite normal to bleed for that many days but I was somewhere feeling that something is wrong. So I took the help of Mr. Google and got to know that if the DNC is not done properly and if there is any retained tissues then the blood supply will continue and that’s why you bleed this long. So the immediate next day I visited another gynaecologist and he did a scan and said that there is something in there. It may be a blood cloth or a retained tissue. So he gave me another medicine and he told me that it will come out naturally. So we did a scan after 5 days and all looked clean but I was still bleeding heavily. By then I was very sure that there is a retained tissue in my body as it had already been 35 days. So I decided to go back to my moms place in Bangalore and get it checked with my familiar gynaecologist. There the doctor did just one scan and got to know it’s a retained tissue and needs an immediate second DNC. I had full trust in her and I went in for the DNC again. My bleeding stopped the very next day and the tissues where given for testing in laboratory and to my right intuition it was confirmed retained tissue being found. I signed a sense of relief once my bleeding stopped.
After all this hassle I just wanted a break from this planning business. So after about 8 months we started trying and it just clicked. I could see those two beautiful line again. My heart was happy but had a little fear to that what if?
Then I decided to change my mindset and look at it as though everything is gonna be right this time. The power of positivity flew in me.
#momstinypumpkin #BBCreatorclub #twolines #pregnancysaga
Stay tuned for my next post on “My journey to Motherhood, My Pregnancy!”
Wow. I had tears in my eyes reading this... A miscarriage is one of the most emotionally wrenching experience ever.. you and your husband are so strong. Loved how you have shared this story of loss with so much strenght and positivity. Waiting to read what's next.
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Upasana Sakariya
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13 Nov 2019