The green eyed monster rears it's face again and your mind goes into turmoil.
Wondering what I am talking about?

ENVY.

This I consider the most basic emotion in higher animals. And as humans envy is something we experience right since our birth.

As babies, as kids we go through different stages of envy. As children it usually gets masked as competition. We are even goaded to pit against each other. It's considered healthy to race against our classmates in every genre possible and available. Sometimes it works in our favour, sometimes it doesn't.

But as we grow older, this ugly monster grows within us. And before we realize it becomes a permanent resident in our body, mind and soul.

I was a high achiever in school. But as a teenager I fell into the vicious cycle of self doubt, anger, rebellion and spent a huge amount of time loathing myself because I used to feel envious of the people around me. Someone would have better scores. Someone would have better hair. Someone had a boyfriend and I didn't. Someone looked prettier.

It took me years to realize no matter how much I try, there will always ALWAYS be someone who is better than me at something or the other. There will always be someone who has a skill that I don't. There will always be someone who is a better looker than me.

But what I also understood is why should I try to be better than that 'someone' ? Why couldn't I try to be better than only the ONE person with whom I could compete?

ME

I don't believe life is a race. I don't believe life is a game. I don't think it is fair and just to think of a person's existence being better or worse than the other's. We all have our own battles to win. We are only fighting against the worst versions of ourselves and not anybody else's. If you think life is a race, also remember that it is only your race.

The problem arrives when we start comparing our life with our neighbor's, our boss's, a stranger we chanced upon, our best friend's or even our spouses'.

Remember Abhimaan?

But one shoe doesn't fit the whole world and it's aunt.

No matter how much you try, you can never be the other person. And why should you be? When you can get to be you! And there is no one else like you. 

I have caught myself a multiple number of times getting envious of my close friends. I have been envious of my husband's achievements. His absolute humility makes matters worse. And thanks to the enormous world of social media it hardly takes you a moment to feel a tinge of jealousy over an absolute stranger thanks to a postcard vacation photo she posted wearing a mid riff bearing bikini.

And when the feeling hits you, it comes at you like a tornado. Crushing everything in its path, sucking you into the vortex of emotions and making you feel worse about the other person, the world and your own self. It's like a downward spiral. Like a quagmire. The more you think of it the deeper you get sucked in. And before you even realize, you are so deep in the slush of jealousy that you have lost yourself completely. You can't breathe. You can't think. You are not even living your life anymore. You are trying subconsciously to be that other person. That other person who according to you has this perfect imaginary life.

And the sad part is we are all thinking the same about each other.

Is envy bad? No. Can we avoid it? No. Should we feel it. Off course. We would be a rock otherwise. And as I always say, what is the fun in that.

I know how crazy it can get. I have spent hours agonizing over something my best friend achieved. I have felt ashamed over feeling envious. But I have also wanted to feel that sickeing sensation within me which would make me hate that person even more in the moment. This would in turn make me abhor myself and the self destructing cycle would never end. EVER.

So how do we deal with it?
The first and the biggest step is to accept it. Know that you are human. You are bound to feel envious. That's how you are wired. It is a huge relief when you are able to accept the guilt. It doesn't remain a guilt anymore.

The next step is to analyze the feeling. Write down the reasons of your envy. What do you think the other person has that you don't? Why does he or she have it? Maybe he is more skilled. Maybe she was a better learner? Maybe he put in more effort? You can even tell the other person about your envy if you feel like it. But that requires one another level of courage which I honestly haven't mustered.

The third step is to make a list of the things you feel you are good at. Could be anything. These are the skills that make you, YOU. And then think how you can get better at whatever skills you have or want to achieve.

If it makes you feel any happier, know that there is always some one out there who is looking up to you as their inspiration.


What has helped me is having a set of affirmations which I tell myself every time before I go to bed. Make a set of your affirmations that will help you get a boost of self esteem and positivity. And don't beat yourself up if you find yourself feeling these emotions of jealousy. With time, patience and humility you will grow to love yourself. I still am , learning every single moment.
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Here is my daily list of affirmations-
I will run my own race.
I will not allow myself to be defined by other's successes and my failures.
I refuse to feel guilty about my feelings.
I will live with gratitude for whatever that comes my way.
The world does not owe me anything.
I will try to be a better person than what I was today.

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Don't try to live someone else's life. They are probably wanting to live yours. 

Name of the asana- Malasana or garland pose.
Alignment- Feet flat on the mat. Palms joined. Gaze soft. Back straight. Elbows pressing into the inner thighs. Keep the core active. Shoulders squared and away from the ears.
Benefits - Increases hip flexibility. Massages the abdominals. Strengthens the ankles and the lower back. Excellent during pregnancy. Add in some kegels while in the pose for added effect. Can be practiced 3 months after natural delivery and 6 months after c section.
Tip- If you find it difficult to balance while in the pose, you can sit on a block or a folded blanket. Avoid if you have knee pain.
Have a safe practice.
Stay healthy. Stay happy.
Namaskara.
#slayfitmama