Q:

Need help mommies... Aggression strike again from my almost 3 year old..

He whacked me very hard with his baseball bat on my right temple.. head is paining.. ear is hurting and swollen..

Instinctively gave him a few hard whacks and broke the bat in front of him and threw it away... saw some crocodile tears but my parents came to his rescue and switched on the TV.. he's watching TV happily now and has probably forgotten all about this incident..

Spare the rod and spoil the child ???

Or what else.. Behavioural assistance needed ???

This is a daily affair at home..



hey shirin hang in there. tagging our expert Sheena Kalia

tagging other toddler moms Ujjwal Mishra(SuperMommy) Manveen (Motheropedia_Blog) Prisha Lalwani (Mummasaurus) Richa Chowdhary Sulbha Bathwal @twinsandmamatalks

okay sweety how are u feeling. i wud've done just the same. my hubby's nephew wud try and hit me whn he was 2.5 - i got him a blow up character who he cud puch. helped him enormously.

hi Shirin. my son is currently in the violent phase. I know how u feel. I hope he didn't hurt u bad. when he starts hitting me I look him in the eye n tell him to hit harder. he looks all guilty n stops as he is not getting the desired reaction. I whack him once in a while out of frustration. he even hit his younger cousin n baby sister the other day. I scolded him n said he is not going to sleep in our room any more as he is not a good boy. after that warning he is better. try to be firm rather than angry.

I think you need assistance from a developmental pediatrician, who should be able to tell you whether the problem is neurological (not in child's control) or behavioral (within child's control). Don't ignore it if it is a daily occurrence. where do you stay? Also how much electronic media is he exposed to on a daily basis?

I don't mind an assessment.. Although I think it's behaviour related.. My dad is glued to the TV all day.. this guy watches from the corner of his eye.. but my dad watches sports and comedy shows.. but yes I get your point

Talk to him in whisper close to his ears that what he did is not acceptable and you are not happy. Kids understand and scared of hiss hiss voice of parents than shoutings. My SIL use to do this with her son and it helps.

Shirin Srivastava - Quadros TV is a passive medium. Kids have high energy at this age and that needs to be used through physical play or activities. Try doing these at home -How to Help My Child Learn - Sensory Activity Series - Water Play: 2-3 years (there are 4 such activities in this series) Also increase his park time.

Well unfortunately the weather has not been permitting it and that could be one reason for the pent up energy which turns into aggression..

I am a teacher by profession.. Frm dat perspective if i observe ur concern.. His behaviour must be influenced by TV, school mates.. Or may be the toddler is frustrated.. Or he might have seen the same behaviour pattern around his surroundings fmly.. Extended fmly or so.... If we also respond in anger.. It wl multiply always.. The toddler wd remember such act of parents long in their lives n future relationship between u might be hampered.. Plz handle wd care.. I hv gt many live instances were chilren come to me n share their hatred towards parents.. Plz don't act in anger tone.. Use some stories.. Sharing techniques.. Or talk to another child abt behaviour in front of him.. Indirectly

Also u can imbibe indoor games.. Chess.. Uno cards.. Carrom.. Colouring.. The condition is.. We hv to involve ourselves in it.. Den d child wd b attracted to such games.. Avoid mobile games.. Strictly

Shirin Srivastava - Quadros hi... although my son is younger to yours still I had gone through this phase....
these little things are just having too much of energy in them...it's just a matter of channelizing it...
you know every action has it's reactions... toddler tantrums work the same way...
no child is bad these things are just their reactions in a way which they feel is convenient and right...
for example,, I might have said no for watching TV even though he wants it... so instead of convincing you they just show their aggression....
and if you don't tell that what they are doing is wrong they won't understand that....
whatever u did was right ..at we also would have done the same but that's not the solution.... they will forget everything n do it again....
so you better confront him
convince ur parents for not watching too much TV... n get some activities like flintobox for him... the more you will be friendly with him..better you understand.
try subconscious talking..it really works...talk to him about anything u want whenever he is in a half sleep...talk to him that he is a good boy and what exactly u want h to do...
all d best!!!
it's just a phase, shall pass.

Shruti tell me more about the last part... subconscious talking

Be patient. Be consistent and be firm. My daughter had a patch of similar behaviour. She bit me really bad. so i put her up on the dining table, made sure she couldn't get off and just saat there and waited for her to finish her tantrum. At that time kids are so wound up that nothing would make sense to them. When she's in a better mood, we keep talking to her about good behaviour. I've also got her a good behaviour chart where the day she doesn't scream or bite she gets a 🌟. When she collects 7 stars she gets a little reward. this has really helped her a lot.

I'm very sorry I may sound a bit harsh but the entire scene is full of bumps.
1. some children are born aggressive, usually genetically, as one parent may have a basic aggressive nature
2. it is absolutely easy peasy breezy for the baby to learn aggression from a parent. takes just one example . FYI whacking and breaking the vat and throwing it is an extremely aggressive reaction. REMEMBER the baby does not k ow right from wrong.
3. TV. don't get me wrong, my kids watch TV and phones all day. I'm guilty there but understand that TV to make him quiet and distract is the worst thing you can do.
you just told your child that you are not supposed to feel angry, nor are you supposed to feel sad. and CROCODILE TEARS? my dear your child was actually hurt because he does not know what he did wrong.
now the solution to such situations...
one of my boys was in the habit of biting and it's very bad. he bit my other son so bad that he got bruises and would bleed. so I'm sure u r in a better spot than this.
as most of us said, patience. first of all YOU need to stop getting so strongly aggressive to his actions.
I know it must have hurt sooo bad. but instead of immediately slapping him, just sit down and rub your head. let your child notice. within seconds e should realise that he has made a mistake and his expressions will show sadness. if it still does not show (assuming that the child is very aggressive by now) you TALK!! You tell your child that Mumma is very hurt. you hit Mumma and it's hurting very bad. bring in some crocodile years if you need you. make him love you in return.. may be hug you, kiss you, even say sorry.
he may not do it in your very first attempt, you will have to coach him GENTLY and slowly.
do offer him TV or phone. try to limit the time. but don't use it as a distraction. teach your child to deal with his emotions if you don't want an aggressive and over suppressed child.
if he wants to cry, try to calm him down by huging and let him cry. the child must gradually learn how to stop crying if he is not distracted.
also, if you do things like - if he falls down and you say don't cry, hit the floor, or hit whatever has hurt him, you are feeding his  brain that it is important to hit someone who makes u unhappy. keep talking to him even when he is not hitting that one should not hit. good babies don't hit, if you love someone you don't hit. if you are angry, you tell Mumma.
he just gets a bhelpuri of emotions you have to sort i

sort it for him. you have to tell him what is anger, what is sadness, how crying can express sadness. give this one month :-)

sorry for the long post

Long post appreciated Prisha.. We could be wrong too sometimes isn't it ???  It's my first kid.. I have no experience with kids prior to this.. That's why I have you guys as my support system to take guidance.. I really appreciate the way you have put it

Sorry Prisha Lalwani (Mummasaurus) I dint understand last few lines .. Is it okay to tell a child to hit the floor or hit something which had hurt him/her? Won't it become a habit that they might do it when they grow old? hit a frn who hurt them by mistake.. Sorry I dint quite understand that logic or may be not understanding what you meant. Just felt we love or hate we shouldn't hit.

yes Rebecca Prakash, I meant we SHOULD NOT HIT the floor or anything that hurt us. I'm sorryif it is not clear and thank u for pointing out.

😆 Thankyou for clearing this to me. Sorry I dint understand what you meant,  That's why I asked you. Yes you are correct and that's the right way.

I just went to catch up with my friends today and her child was also hitting her but she didn't react and he he stopped on its own..she said when you react like shouting them don't do,  kids do it even more ...but yes I do understand in your case it's too harsh so as Priya said whack him once and yes smart tricks rather than anger :)


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