Q:

Hi!! I had cesarean on 29 Dec. Since then I don't feel anything real. I am not even recognizing myself. I don't feel that I have become a mother and the baby is mine. I am suffering with depression. I am not having good sleep as I have to get up and feed him every two hours and burping for 20 min each time as told by doctor and other baby works also. I can't even sleep at day time as he cries most of the time. He can't latch on my nipples so I can't breastfeed him. I take out milk(I can take out very little) and give him nan-pro. I feel very guilty for it and desperately want to breastfeed him or give him expressed milk. I feel to end my life. I have suicidal thoughts many times a day. My husband is very supporting and loving but I am living with my nani. She feels angry when I sleep anytime ither than after food. That time also if baby cries I can't sleep. In my frustration I fight with husband a lot on WhatsApp. He tries to be calm and understands me but when I fight a lot he also becomes frustrated. I know it's post pregnancy depression but I don't want to take antidepressants because I want to give my milk to baaby. What other treatments can be there and around how much they can cost me? Please help I really need help.



Shyama Santhosh

I completely understand ur situation. This is a difficult situation but it's you who has to take care of ur baby and urself. Try to visit ur doctor once and discuss the same. Doctor might guide you ways to get more milk and latching as well and maybe that would increase positivity in you and baby will easily get enuff milk. Then baby will sleep well and you will get good sleep as well. Most important at this time is to discuss these issues with ur doctor once.

Prithvi Balaji

first don't feel depressed. you are one amongst so many mom's who give birth similarly have the same situation. this situation of yours is common and nothing to feel guilty. be it cesarean or normal it is your child. take care of him. feel him cuddle him before you feed him you try to sit properly and comfortably only then you feed well. coming out of depression is in your hands you need to take the guilt of your head first. for the 1st one year you will have to go through this tough time as a mother. give time all will be well.

Binti Gogoi

itz only bcuz of u cnt breastfeed him.m also facing dis prob.my baby cried all nyt nd day.keep patience...after one mnth evything will be alright.

karthika rajesh

hi amita, first be calm. i remember myself before 3months like u. even went to counseling for this. i don't have enough milk for my son and He always crying and he won't have other milk.he will cry 18hrsi per day. leave it all in ur mind. be relax and feel proud we gave a new live to this world and who is the great sign of ur love with husband. feel proud again and again.if we stressed feel and have negative thought our child also become like that. whenever He is calm try to latch the baby on ur breast. he will pick up. or use nipple shield. my mom told always when we give milk to our baby with angry or negative thoughts the milk may become poison to them.

Sonali Shivlani

Hey Amita, you have taken the first positive step - acknowledgement of your feelings. The second step is - speaking out what you are feeling. These are both good signs.
let's take one thing at a time
Why don't you consider going back and living with your husband. It's easily manageable and maybe he could take a few days of leave from work to help you get settled once you return with baby.
remember that breast feeding is not the only thing that makes you a mother. There are so many other aspects to being a mom so do not feel guilty. It's OK to give formula to the baby.
Baby will cry and that's the only way they have of expressing themselves.Its not your fault.
It's also OK to rest when baby rests as it is almost impossible to put the baby to sleep when you want to sleep. They just don't have a time table.
You may not need anti depressants but you may want to chat with a counselor who can help with talking you thru your concerns and helping you find ways to cope.
I am sure Babychakra can help you connect with someone in your area or you can also look it up.
Till then you could vent here on this platform.
Thoughts of suicide should be banished and start some deep breathing exercises and calming meditation when such thoughts enter your mind.

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