Q:

Hello,
one of my 2y9mo twin boys has been short tempered and excessively stubborn on some days and those days usually pass.
Some days I lose my cool but most days I happen to pull him out of his tantrum calmly. Past one week he has been getting so angry... He wants to eat candies and sweets several times a day, or will howl for the smartphone, or will want to go to the balcony(not truly safe), or he will stick to one thing that he wants to do, anything at all and goes crazy after it. he keeps getting angry and since he is strong he hits me once or max twice and it hurts. I gve him a wide eyed angry stare and that usually does the job. If he's not hitting he will hit whatever i offer him or will take it and throw it away really hard. He also gets scared and threatened and can't even cry properly because of fear when we scold him hard because there's just no stopping him. For instance he mostly wants to sleep on top of me and some days ur belly hurts or ur back hurts and u can't have a 3 yo on top of you and he just won't understand.
I am not being able to calm him down, though he did have such anger in the past as well and we could handle it... Either we would convince him or a lot of times give in to his anger as well. If we ignore his tantrums he gets even more agitated and will throw himself on the floor and often hurt himself or will throw anything he finds around.
This usually comes in phases and then fee days he is the sweetest and quietest child ever.
Is this how some boys learn to manage their anger? What should I do?



Lynette D'Souza

I am facing this with my daughter too, sometimes she gets a spank, my hair gets pulled and all if I don't give her. So I give her her favorite food barring chocolates 1-2 times. Kids are plain fussy or get stubborn at this age they need gentle parenting, go apologise and all that drama goes on.

Prisha Lalwani (Mummasaurus)

have tried it all Lyn, he wouldn't succumb. he's getting excessively agressive. fav food, hugs, worries... nothing works when he is in rage

Jasmeet Kaur Deep

I think every parent goes through this phase at some point. Though my son is very young, what is working for me is ignorance. For instance, he cries and cries like crazy for a match box and at 15 months he knows how to light a match stick. So I use to give in earlier but not no. If he becomes to stubborn starts howling, throwing away his head I simply tell him darling you can't have it because it's unsafe. He continues to cry but I ignore him for a while, then take him to the other room, sing rhymes together, and divert his mind. I just laugh, smile and play. Sometimes he continues to cry for what he wants, but I continue to keep trying to get him out of that zone.

Charu Sareen Gujjal(TheMomSagas)

I know it may not be that easy to do as it would sound, but I guess distracting the child to something more interesting than the current situation, is the best possible way to manage his stubbornness and anger. If he is not ready to succumb, just leave him alone in the room for a few minutes (keeping an eye from a distance, of course). Let him compose himself and then come to him with a new, interesting thing. In the night, when he is better, just try to verbally explain/counsel him how he behaves is wrong and not always acceptable. That's what my sister does with her son. It works most of the time, not always though!

Preetjyot Kaur(mylittlemuffin)

I totally agree with Jasmeet above...
My girl has been through this exact phase...
Would cry for hours if I wouldn't give in to her...
All I did was let her cry... N kept repeating that mumma doesn't listen when a baby cries... U may choose to cry for an hour or come along with me let's play a new game on our room...
She used to keep crying initially...
But I kept being firm that I wouldn't listen at all if she cries... She needs to talk and discuss...
Soon she realised that crying isn't helping... But trust be the phase when she used to cry for hours Wat d toughest...
Even today when she cries I just tell her talk to me or else m moving out... I leave d room n move out...
Thanksfully she has understood the power of discussion...
Ignoring is d best thing...

Kaushal Sovani

Lovely suggestions.
Ignoring and staying consistent works very well.

One crucial thing to take note of is the Extinction Burst. And what is the function of the behaviour... is it to seek something whether tangible (toy/food) or intangible (attention).
EB is a time when the child's undesirable behaviour is at its peak. So when u intervene when the behaviour is at its peak and give ur "attention", you are reinforcing or rewarding the child's undesirable behaviour.
So next time the child throws a tantrum, it start from that high point and full force where u intervened last. Imagine each time the intensity going higher....

So give an opportunity for the child to calm down in a safe way. Avoid eye contact, but keep an eye on ur child.

Another important thing when u are working on a behaviour, always replace it with a desirable behaviour.
Equip ur child with language to express his feelings and emotions. You will see his tantrums will go down.

Swati Gupta Gupta

yes ignorance work.my 3 year old daughter do the same.cry for everything .after every minute.thn I asked my pedestrian wt should I do.he said just dnt talk to her tht day.do katti with her.and its work.:)

Prisha Lalwani (Mummasaurus)

I'm sorry, I just saw all these messages I'm soo soo thankful for all ur suggestions. that phase got over for me and it was like automatic. wonder how that works. I had tried distraction or coaxing him, but he would get angry. so it just changed like the flip of a switch

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