“By the time a couple’s babies were 18 months old, almost one of four couples indicated that their marriage was in distress. And this does not include the 13% who already had announced.
separations and divorces.” Says psychologist Philip Cowan. The demands of a new born viz-a-viz the demands of the spouse, always have the baby win the tug of war. So, How to Fall in Love with your Spouse all over again after your baby comes? How to overcome differences between couples and reduce the tension?
1. Showing Respect is the best policy.
To fall in love, showing that love and concern is paramount is always the first step. Shower each other with kind words and compliments, acknowledge each other’s efforts, and make an attempt to understand their side of the story. Make sure you hold back the urge to react when one of you is agitated and angry. It will save you both a lot of trouble and distress.
2. Truly ‘Understand’ the Situation
Take a deep breath. Take a look around you. The laundry piles have become humongous, the house smells like poop, it’s the same thing for dinner, groceries need to be purchased – both of you can get really tired!
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Instead of pointing out the imperfections in each others’ tasks, help each other. While the husband can fold laundry, the wife can order groceries online. Taking care of a child or engaging him can all be an expending job!
3. Plan a special Date Night out
Steal an occasional evening from your baby and go out with your spouse. Let someone else take care of the little one for a few hours while Papa and Mumma fall in love with each other. It’s even better if you can plan a vacation with your baby!
4. Don’t be vexed with Sex!
Sex is often an ignored yet one of the most crucial aspects about falling in love with your spouse again! Though one of them may be persistently tired, going a little out of the way for your partner will do wonders. It’s not like the other does not understand, but hey... everyone needs some lovin’. Also, ensure that your personal time is at a distance from kids. You don’t want to roll over a toy that immediately starts on with – “Chal Chaiya Chaiya…”
5. Money is not everything, Honey.
A lot of women choose to leave their jobs in order to cater to the kids. This sudden financial dependence on their husband for every little thing can be very taxing and frustrating. Also, a new child can be a tent full of expenses – maids, pediatrician visits, medicines, and a whole lot of things! Acceptance of the fact that income has gone down and the expenses have risen, is key. Arguments over these issues should be dealt with carefully. Review your expenses before you term it “useless”.
6. Parenting Ideologies
Each parent deals with the same situation differently, and in a way or the other, more than one solutions can be right. Understanding your spouse before imposing your own decisions can be helpful in falling in love with your spouse. After all, a couple that is in sync with regard to parenting styles is a rare, yet marvelous sight.
Wish you and your spouse lots of love, peace and togetherness :-)
If you know a friend who’s struggling to maintain peace, share it with her.
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