How to tell your angel that he or she was adopted

How to tell your angel that he or she was adopted

Adopting a child is the most noble thing that you can do. After all filling the world of someone less fortunate with the love and joy of parenthood is truly the most inspiring and pure feeling in this Universe. Revealing to your kid that he or she was adopted is a difficult task, that has to be approached with a certain amount of maturity and discretion . 


The process should first start with sharing your decision to adopt with your immediate relatives and close friends. As far as the child is concerned, adoptive parents often successfully use stories of people like Sant Kabir or Lord Krishna (who was adopted) to initiate the revelation of adoption to the child.

It is important that the child learns about her adoption from her adoptive parents rather than from an outsider. The information may be given to her around the age of 3 years; and certainly before she begins school. Some agencies suggest the following response: “For a long time, we wanted a baby just like you. We were lonely and our house seemed empty. Then, a person who knew where there were some babies who wanted mummies and daddies, helped us find you. You were so lovable and beautiful, just as you are now. You were the very baby we wanted, so we brought you to your new home, to be our very own forever.”

Telling a child about adoption is a gradual process. The most natural thing would be to give the child a big hug and kiss when you are happy and say: “We are so glad that we adopted you.” This way the child begin to associate the words adoption which love and a sense of belonging. As the child grows older and learns how babies are born an inevitable question is: “Mummy, was I also in your tummy?” If you say ‘No’, the child might ask: “Then whose tummy was I in, and why didn’t she keep me. In most cases, the adoptive parents are not fully aware of the natural mother’s reasons for relinquishment of her child, so here you could say: I don’t know the real reason why she could not keep you, but I’m sure she had problems and couldn’t look after you and wanted you to have a happy home.” The child must be helped to understand that the woman whose tummy she was in just  gave her birth and that you are her ‘real’ mother now and for always and that she is now part of your family. In this manner, she will develop a sense of belonging to you as your child.

A time comes in the life of some adopted children when they become restless and want to search for their roots and identity. They want to trace their biological parents. This is not possible in the Indian context, because adoption agencies have a sealed and confidential record system whereby there is no access to the relinquishment document and it remains property of the court.

So please adopt, and be the light for someone abandoned by everybody else. After all,


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Source: Book - Guide to Child Care by Dr R K Anand

To consult Dr R K Anand in person, click here

Explore the entire collection of article: Expert Speak, Adopting a baby, Parenting Gyaan

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