Doing Justice to two: Promises I made to myself as a mother of twins
I was both elated and nervous when I got to know that I was expecting twins. On one hand, there was joy and ecstasy at being doubly blessed. On the other, the seeds of anxietywere starting to blossom in my mind.
In the sleepless hours of midnight, multiple questions used to perturb me. The one that topped the list was, ‘how would I do justice to both?’. Once my kids were born, I realized that my fears were not baseless. Everyday, a situation would crop up where I would find myself divided between the two. Only a mother of twins can explain the perplexity of such a circumstance where both her babies are crying in front of her but she can't decide whom to comfort first.
I soon realized that as a mother of twin, I would be regularly confronted with such dilemmas. So I made some promises to myself to ensure just and fair parenting.
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‘Oh! Look your brother has finished his bowl of porridge, you aren't even halfway through’, ‘ she is so quiet and calm, why are you so noisy all the time’. I found myself using such phrases more often, only to realize that all this was making my parenting more difficult and complicated. Once I realized that each baby has a different appetite and temperament, I promised myself that I would restrain my urge to compare and let kids be kids.
2. Maintain individuality
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A parent of twins cannot afford to generalize the likes and needs of both their kids. Each child is unique in his or her own way. A boy may like to play with dolls and a girl with cars or vice versa. It's important to maintain the individuality of the two kids for their healthy growth and development. So I promised myself that while celebrating their similarities, I would not forget to respect their individual differences.
3. Nourish the bond
The bond between any pair of twins is amazingly special, and mine is no exception.
Therefore I promised myself to nurture it in a special way. Both me and my husband made it a point to introduce our eight months old twins to each other. Also every night, we make them hug each other. We role play, talk on their behalf and involve them in playing games together. I even try to spend some quality one-on-one time with each of my kids. We cuddle, play, sing, laugh and bond during this ‘individual’ time.
4. Being fair and impartial
When it comes to twins, impartial upbringing can be quite challenging. Choosing one over the other, taking sides, defending favourites - becomes inevitable at times with all its consequent pitfalls. So I promised myself to avoid such situations and be fair and objective always while dealing with the numerous fights, quarrels and arguments that will surely be coming my way in the near future.
5. Share responsibilities and stay guilt free
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As a pact, my husband promised me to do his part in parenting. So while he would be busy diaper changing for one baby, I would feed the other. We would also take turns to put them to sleep. We would also not dither from hiring a domestic help and gathering all the support possible from friends and family. Hopefully, by doing all this we would be able to stay guilt-free for not being able to handle both together.
6. Follow your heart
The world is full of unsolicited advice. But for happy parenting, it is wise sometimes to ignore all the mantras and simply follow what your heart says.
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With all these promises, I plan to keep my self belief intact and enjoy the journey of motherhood. After all, it's only a happy mother who makes happy kids, isn't it?
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