The Rocket Science To Getting Husbands On Board!

My husband recently helped me fold the towels. While the wife in me wanted to kiss him, the compulsive woman in me wanted to fix the folds. But he was watching. He made an effort. And that’s that. I smiled and put them on the rack.

 

I’ve learnt, as a wife and a mom of a son, that men will be men! They are a different breed altogether. And I will just have to learn to live with that. He might take the trash out and pretend like he cleaned the entire house; but then that’s the way they are, generally feeling the need to gloat.

 

There are however, certain things that I have had to work my way around, to get husband to help with my daily chores! Here is telling you, how...

 

Do tell me what worked for you...

 

Tell him

Yes, we live in the same house and yes, that’s his sperm walking around the house but still, he’s quite clueless in most matters of the house. The Mars v/s Venus language barrier I guess!

 

Which is to say, that throwing hints at him has never worked (men are no mind readers). If I am discontent about his contribution to the household chores, he will need to be told do. Phew!

 

So I do the unthinkable! I ask him. Without expecting him to understand a thing, I just tell him what needs to be done and how. This makes it easier for him to help and saves me disappointment ;)

 

Be Specific

Being specific helps establish better communication in the house. At times I have contemplated doing step by step diagrams. I mean, can’t get more specific than that now can I!

 

After much wondering why my husband never just took it upon himself to tidy up the house, I finally discovered that it is because (believe it or not) he never noticed the mess!

 

We’ve had our share of petty fights and screaming but the status quo is well maintained. So now I tell him exactly what should be done and how it should be done.

 

Give Grace

Hear me when I say this. What is important to you may not be important to him. So if you think the blankets need to be folded while you prepare waffles for the holiday breakfast, he knows that they are going to come out again in the afternoon when he and the baby nap! Why bother! Hmm… I know it’s a tough one to deal with, but over the years, I have learnt to let go (with a lot of difficulty) and cheerfully (I’m trying to not lie here) accept this.

 

It is after all, as much his home as mine! You will notice that if you give grace in areas that seem less significant to him (no matter how huge they are to you) he will in fact, assist you in other chores more than you can imagine.

 

Nagging never helps!

How is nagging any different from reminding, you ask? It’s the condescending tone! No longer do I pick up the phone and yell “I’ve already told you 5 times to get the tap leak fixed” I have adopted a calmer means of reminding him.

 

He is a better builder of relationships than I am and I have learnt from him to accept people’s shortcomings respectfully. He in turn is trying to extend the same respect back to me by making a genuine effort to remember.

 

It’s his responsibility too

Husbands’ kind of have a way of making you feel that the house is your responsibility irrespective of how much you do inside or outside of the house. I have learnt to communicate to him that it is OUR house and thus, chipping in towards domestic chores is both our jobs.

 

Also make sure you communicate to your husband, that you have other exhaustive responsibilities towards the kids apart from cleaning.

 

All that said, there will be times in your marriage when you will have to do more than your share. The sooner you swallow that the better. But that goes for both spouses. Take turns and share the load with your husband!


Consider Changing Your Standards

Before I got married, I was under the illusion that everyone was raised like me. Cold-water in the face! This is not true!

 

Over time, however, I’ve found that both of our standards have blended and for the better. I am more flexible and allow a little more mess around the house, and he has stepped up his game with helping out. Over time, we have grown a mutual understanding

 

There are times when I let the dishes sit in the sink until the next day because my husband wants to sit on the porch with me. The next morning, he’s sure to help!

 

Allow him time

My husband told me once that he would help me. But not at the exact same time I demanded it because it’s always possible that he has another, urgent matter to attend to. But sure enough, he would eventually do it.

 

Again, mutual understanding is key!

 

Source for banner image: markmerrill.com

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Comments (25)



Sheeba Vijesh

yup, all true... one thing i really agree with is as years passed by, we have both compromised on our habits and ways... it really helps in keeping arguments away. and let them have enough he time is the key to getting yourself pampered later😜... well written Manveen Dua

asha chaudhry

as always, such an engaging read manveen! can relate to this so well! i hv ocd whn it comes to certain things especially the way i hang the laundry! so sometimes if i m busy on a call or something else he hangs the clothes out for me (in his style which doesnt follow a "science" like my style! lolz). i bite my tongue not to get irritated and just improvise myself :)))) hey Gayatri Rao wud love to hear ur thots & experiences in this area! pls be sure to #TagFwd another mom :)

Gayatri Rao

Thanks for tagging me Asha. This is right from every wife's heart, Manveen! 13 years of marriage has taught me to grit and bear well. From laundry and into the kitchen, hubby dearest has his own style of working. I actually dread the words ,"You relax, I'll cook today". Not only will he need my help every nano second to find out where every ingredient is (I might as well do the whole damn thing in half the time he will take), it will then take me ages to clean up and get everything back to how it was meant to be. His forgetfulness even after repeated and carefully described instructions can drive me up the wall, but his humour makes up for everything...well almost :) 

Gayatri Rao

And I forgot to tag...I would like to hear your story Dr.Shilpitha Shanthappa

Dr. Payal M

im counting my blessings after reading this as my hubby doesn't belong to this article prototype. he is awesome around the house n with kids(with few things i can gripe abt- which is typical of any wife!).

Dr. Shilpitha Shanthappa

WoW WoW WoW- words r from heart it seems...loved the article..especially loved this statement-"Yes, we live in the same house and yes, that’s his sperm walking around the house"👍✋

Dr. Shilpitha Shanthappa

thanx fa d tag Gayatri Rao...
as v both r doctors, v r having lott of patience too...I think today i shud mention-"he is a gem"- He balance home, his work(a govt pediatrician),and baby too...our household chores are equally managed..he never says Mujhe Nahi Pata, Mujhe karna nahi aata he😁...infact i use tht more and sometimes i ll b clueless tht wats happening in my home 😂...touchwood..and thanx to god fa giving such a helpful hubby...😊...
Roopashree Siddireddy wanna listen ur story

Sonam patel

it's kinda bringing smile on my face as I can totally relate to it.. very well expressed..
he never understand the hints.. have to b specific.. even after a hectic day in the office he always helps me and he used to  wake up the whole night when my son didn't sleep.. he's such a darling. 😊

Roopashree Siddireddy

I was concieved immediately after marriage. And with the baby ..there was more stress and tension between us. Initially we use to quarrel like hell. Now I am chilling. Mostly I do my things on my own. And stop expecting. Now a days he do things to help me...but for my luck..it will be double work later. Ha ha ha ha ha.... I feel sometimes giving no reaction to a situation will solve most of the problems. I like this article. Thanks for the tag Dr.Shilpitha Shanthappa

Manveen (Motheropedia_Blog)

@dr shilpitha Dr. Payal M Sheeba Vijesh asha chaudhry Gayatri Rao Roopashree Siddireddy Thanks for the comments. I'm delighted to see I'm not the lone soul here.

Priya

I am still struggling to get my super busy hubby to pitch in. Its either his shoulder pains or too much work at office!! I need to just run before ge wakes up on weekends but he is an early bird :) Does your hubby pitch in Sonika Singh, Charu Sareen, Prithvi Raj

Neeta Nihale

what an article Manveen Dua... I thought m reading my story 😂
the big deal is I always thinks why I have to told the same needful things everytime. .. 😤

Charu Sareen Gujjal(TheMomSagas)

My husband does help. But given to his busy work schedule he is either traveling or working late in office half of the month Thankfully I don't have any ocd nor am I very specific about how a particular thing is to be done. So on those special days when he tries his favourite dish in the kitchen, I happily let him have his way. The only piece is those days are rare and happen once in six months.

Charu Sareen Gujjal(TheMomSagas)

Thanks for tagging me Priya Sood. A wonderful read Manveen. Share your views too Sweta Nagubandi Prisha Lalwani.

Manveen (Motheropedia_Blog)

Charu Sareen Gujjal i loved that he cooks and you enjoy the pampering!

Sachi Singhal

@Manveen Dua wonderfully written,  I can relate to it very well. I am so glad to know that all the women here are blessed to have such amazing and helpful hubby.  It is great that time have changed unlike in the past when women are meant to handle household chores all alone.
In my case my hubby doesn't contribute much in household chores but he manage cooking and I have ample of time to manage the rest.  He cook far better than me. 😈😬

Sachi Singhal

Sumira Bhatia Sheeba Rizvi Neha Sharma

Pooja

i have experienced that husband or anybody can't do my chores upto my expectation. nobody can manage our home better than us, sigh! 😢
but yes for a while we can get some help from other ...but at last when we get back to our work we've to start everything from the begining

Angel Agrawal

very well written  Manveen !!
this reminds me of incident wen he was just serving his plate n I was busy in mKing chapati n my MIL commented see after coming from office too u HV to work. Damn lady I also come from work but have to manage both house n work. n boys are not made to do any household chores.
Orthodox mentality. .
but yes over a period of time he learnt to help me ..always supportive .

Debarati Das

why should men be men? and should we raise our boys with the same mindset? I certainly won't. I am making an effort right from the beginning to make my boy into the kind of man on whom his wife never has to use this phrase.

Angel Agrawal

agreed to you Debarati Das

Amogha Sharath

I wish I knew this before

nidhi singh

I wish I knew this before

Akanksha Bajaj

I'm glad my husband helps in the house even without the need of telling me.The basic understanding that this house belongs equally to him makes both of us share the load !

AMRITA MALLIK

This is exactly what I was looking for.

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