My husband recently helped me fold the towels. While the wife in me wanted to kiss him, the compulsive woman in me wanted to fix the folds. But he was watching. He made an effort. And that’s that. I smiled and put them on the rack.
I’ve learnt, as a wife and a mom of a son, that men will be men! They are a different breed altogether. And I will just have to learn to live with that. He might take the trash out and pretend like he cleaned the entire house; but then that’s the way they are, generally feeling the need to gloat.
There are however, certain things that I have had to work my way around, to get husband to help with my daily chores! Here is telling you, how...
Do tell me what worked for you...
Yes, we live in the same house and yes, that’s his sperm walking around the house but still, he’s quite clueless in most matters of the house. The Mars v/s Venus language barrier I guess!
Which is to say, that throwing hints at him has never worked (men are no mind readers). If I am discontent about his contribution to the household chores, he will need to be told do. Phew!
So I do the unthinkable! I ask him. Without expecting him to understand a thing, I just tell him what needs to be done and how. This makes it easier for him to help and saves me disappointment ;)
Being specific helps establish better communication in the house. At times I have contemplated doing step by step diagrams. I mean, can’t get more specific than that now can I!
After much wondering why my husband never just took it upon himself to tidy up the house, I finally discovered that it is because (believe it or not) he never noticed the mess!
We’ve had our share of petty fights and screaming but the status quo is well maintained. So now I tell him exactly what should be done and how it should be done.
Hear me when I say this. What is important to you may not be important to him. So if you think the blankets need to be folded while you prepare waffles for the holiday breakfast, he knows that they are going to come out again in the afternoon when he and the baby nap! Why bother! Hmm… I know it’s a tough one to deal with, but over the years, I have learnt to let go (with a lot of difficulty) and cheerfully (I’m trying to not lie here) accept this.
It is after all, as much his home as mine! You will notice that if you give grace in areas that seem less significant to him (no matter how huge they are to you) he will in fact, assist you in other chores more than you can imagine.
Nagging never helps!
How is nagging any different from reminding, you ask? It’s the condescending tone! No longer do I pick up the phone and yell “I’ve already told you 5 times to get the tap leak fixed” I have adopted a calmer means of reminding him.
He is a better builder of relationships than I am and I have learnt from him to accept people’s shortcomings respectfully. He in turn is trying to extend the same respect back to me by making a genuine effort to remember.
It’s his responsibility too
Husbands’ kind of have a way of making you feel that the house is your responsibility irrespective of how much you do inside or outside of the house. I have learnt to communicate to him that it is OUR house and thus, chipping in towards domestic chores is both our jobs.
Also make sure you communicate to your husband, that you have other exhaustive responsibilities towards the kids apart from cleaning.
All that said, there will be times in your marriage when you will have to do more than your share. The sooner you swallow that the better. But that goes for both spouses. Take turns and share the load with your husband!
Consider Changing Your Standards
Before I got married, I was under the illusion that everyone was raised like me. Cold-water in the face! This is not true!
Over time, however, I’ve found that both of our standards have blended and for the better. I am more flexible and allow a little more mess around the house, and he has stepped up his game with helping out. Over time, we have grown a mutual understanding
There are times when I let the dishes sit in the sink until the next day because my husband wants to sit on the porch with me. The next morning, he’s sure to help!
Allow him time
My husband told me once that he would help me. But not at the exact same time I demanded it because it’s always possible that he has another, urgent matter to attend to. But sure enough, he would eventually do it.
Again, mutual understanding is key!
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