Learn how to strengthen your parent-child bonding for better understanding.
1. How does one build relations with these tiny tots? When does one start?
Building relations can start right from the time a child is born.
An infant crying (probably his only form of communication) and an adult approaching him and talking to him in a soothing voice - that's the start of a relation!
If the child still continues crying, and the adult lifts swaddles and holds him securely, it will make him feel I have someone in this big world who cares for me and whom I can consider mine!
Here I choose to defy the old saying 'don't lift your child each time he cries' and instead question them, 'why not?' After all lifting ones child isn't a wrong thing to do! You mean the world to that tiny soul, his first social contact. Your comforting hug and smile makes him feel loved and wanted. It is this comfort which will go a long way and will shape him to be a confident individual when he grows.
Having said this as a child grows, a parent needs to understand that attachments are fostered by a host of acts other than mere physical contact or presence.
2. Understanding the child – try to decode his inarticulate drawing.
A child does appreciate that his parent is around as he's making his first piece of art. However what is more crucial is to understand what he is trying to depict through a slanting vertical rectangle which he has just finished colouring. A comment like, 'looks like you are trying to draw a building' would be delightful for the child. He would be pleased that his drawing is understood rather than merely being appreciated by words of empty praise like, 'Oh wow, Raj very nice!'
3. When he needs assistance, do it together rather than just doing it yourself!
A toddler is struggling to figure out which leg goes in which shoe, a common scene in many households. More often the parent would just take the shoe from the child's tiny hand and make him wear it. By doing this, yes he is assisting the child but, missing on an opportunity to create a bond.
A simple situation like this can be turned into an excellent way to build bonds with the child. The parent could sit next to the child, pick up one shoe and in a comforting tone address the child, 'looks like you need a little help to put on your shoes. No problem, let's do it together!'
4. Whenever there's a trouble in your child's life, be his ally and guide him.
Your neighbour's child is troubling your little one. You tell your child to 'handle' the situation himself. My question is 'Does he know how to 'handle' it?' Probably not! That's the reason he's come to seek your help.
On realising that this situation needs your intervention, what do you do? You rebuke the neighbour's child and tell him not to trouble your child – problem solved! Well not really.
How about using this opportunity to be your child's buddy and help him sort this. You could simply put your arm around your child's shoulder and say, 'So Suraj has taken your ball? Let's go and sort it out.'
In both the scenarios you are helping your child, but the later shall leave a lifelong impact on him. He will realize that my parent is my best friend. No matter what the problem is he is there as a guiding star.
So parents, it's actually these little ways in which you can foster and maintain positive attachments with your growing child and build relations… A bond for life!