“Bacche to pal jaate hain”

This blog was first published in my personal blog page: http://thelhour.blogspot.in/

“Chalo ab to jaldi khush khabri Dena (give the good news soon)” said badi Dadi and caressed her back lovingly. Siya smiled, and bowed down to touch badi dadi’s feet to seek her blessings. It was a day after her wedding with Rahul, and the post wedding ceremonies were in full swing. Siya was enjoying every bit of it, changing dresses for each ceremony, meeting the new family members, sharing light hearted jokes with Rahul’s brother and sisters.

All the elders in the family were wishing for an early arrival of the next generation baby and Siya would steal a quick glance towards Rahul and give him a sheepish smile.

By the end of the day, both Rahul and Siya were exhausted and just wanted to get on to the train next day for their much awaited honeymoon.

However they were not left alone to relax even in the night. Siya was taken away by bhabhi’s and chachi’s of the family and the topic of kids came up again. Siya finally tried to give her opinion, “it’s too early for us, Rahul and I need to get settled in our jobs before thinking about a kid. It’s a huge responsibility!”.

“Responsibility? Are you joking? Kids are fun. Bachche to pal jate hain (anyone can bring up the kids), and I don’t even know how my two kids grew up” said Rahul’s bhabhi.

Siya was taken aback but didn’t want to pursue the topic anymore. She was new to the family and forcing her opinion on others wouldnt do any good to her. She opted to turn her listening mode on. All the women were talking about how they didn’t even know how their kids grew up, and that they didn’t have to think much as there were elders in the family to take care and spend time with the kids. From what Siya understood, job of the mother was to give birth and then take care of the household while grandparents or uncles and aunties would spend more time with kids and decide for the kid. Father was obviously for financial support. She was surprised but this was not the time to worry about what others thought.

Next day morning Rahul and Siya left for their honeymoon which was exactly like they had planned and it really helped them unwind and relax. They had known each other for an year but marriage changes a lot of equations so this time away from families and office gave them a chance to understand each other as a married couple. They both agreed on concentrating on their work and love life. They wanted to do the thing which they loved, be with each other and enjoy everything, be it setting up their new flat, cooking, cleaning, traveling and partying. They really were a share it all couple.

4 years passed by and inspite of having a lot of pressure from family, they still felt not ready for kids. But this aspect of life was also important for them and finally they decided to take a plunge into the ocean of Parenthood. And it turned out exactly as they had expected, an ocean, with no shore and you are always swimming. Rahul and Siya were ready for it, they felt a huge responsibility, it was a new life which was now completely dependent on them. Inspite of having full time support from Rahul’s parents, they didn’t want to shy away from their role as parents. Siya didn’t want to be only a dummy mother and Rahul didnt want to be only a money maker.

After a lot of struggle and their quest to make their perspective clear to their parents, their life finally fell in place. Inspite of being working parents, they spent a lot of time with their child, focused on his behavior, his likes, dislikes, his classes as he grew up, and school off course. They didn’t want to be the namesake parents. Rehan was their responsibility.

But many a times Siya thought about what she had heard from all women, a day after the wedding night. And it made her wonder if we take joint families for granted? Many a times, parents think that other members of the family are better judge for their child, and the child will learn from the family.

Shouldnt child also learn from his own parents? Shouldnt he feel proud of his parents sense of love and eagerness for their child? What’s the point of becoming a parent when you still want a life that had no kids. A lot of parents complain about lost freedom, lack of me time, stress etc when the kid is born. How can you even expect that your life will remain same with a 3kg baby who can’t even pee on his own. I mean he can pee on his own but not in a toilet. And sadly humans don’t give birth to walking-talking babies. That’s only for elephants.

Jokes apart, parenting is definitely an exaggerated word but still holds a lot of meaning and power. As parents only we have the power to bring up a child who respects life and people. If, having this power means, giving up a few drinks with friends or an untouched novel, or lesser number of trips, lesser shopping for self and so much more, then be it. You asked and prayed for a child, for the power of being a parent then why complain? Your child will be, what you are today. When a kid grows up, he always talks about how his mother and father were and not about how his extended family was to him. As individuals we try to unknowingly follow our parents. Mother and father both imprint the child.

So ” bacche pal to jaate hain” but who parents them makes the difference.