Shilpa And Apurva Agnihotri Talk About Their Struggle To Become Parents: 10 Things To Avoid Saying To Couples Trying To Conceive

Celebrity couple Shilpa and Apurva Agnihotri became parents to their daughter Ishaani after 18 years of waiting. They welcomed their little girl through adoption last year in December. Recently, the couple opened up about what they went through during those 18 years when they were trying to conceive.

In an interview, Shilpa said, “In between, when Apurva and I were trying, we stopped sharing it with people. Everybody’s intent in their heart is your well-being. But when things don’t happen the way it is supposed to happen, those same people will keep asking you about why it was unsuccessful. When you say that it is, ‘negative’, you feel more at despair.”

For some couples, trying to conceive can be a long and emotionally challenging journey. While it’s natural to want to be there for your friends and loved ones, sometimes our well-meaning questions and suggestions can unintentionally hurt or stress them. 

Here are 10 questions you should avoid when talking to couples trying to conceive, and some ways to make your conversations more empathetic and enjoyable.

10 Things To Avoid Saying To Couples Trying To Conceive

Besides asking questions like “Why it was unsuccessful” as Shilpa Agnihotri shared she was asked, there are many other questions you need to avoid saying to couples struggling to conceive, such as:

“When are you going to have kids?”

This question might seem innocent, but it can be a painful reminder of the difficulties a couple is facing. Instead, ask about their interests and activities. This will shift the focus away from their fertility journey and help create a more fun and relaxed conversation.

“Have you tried IVF?”

While you may have read about a miracle cure or heard an IVF success story from a friend, resist the temptation to share unsolicited advice. Trust that the couple has likely researched and tried various methods. 

“Maybe you’re just not meant to be parents.”

This statement can be incredibly hurtful and dismissive of the couple’s struggles. Refrain from making any assumptions about their destiny.

“You’re so lucky you don’t have kids yet – you can sleep in and travel!”

While there might be some truth to this, it can come across as insensitive. The couple might be longing for those sleepless nights and family vacations.

“You can always adopt!”

While adoption is a beautiful option for many families, it’s not a simple or easy solution. The decision to adopt is deeply personal and complex. Instead, be a supportive listener and let the couple share their thoughts and feelings if they choose to.

“Just relax, and it will happen!”

Telling someone to relax when they’re struggling with infertility can be counterproductive. It’s essential to acknowledge their feelings and provide a safe space for them to express themselves. 

“Whose fault is it?”

This question is a major no-no! It’s invasive and can create feelings of guilt and blame. Remember that infertility affects both partners, and it’s essential to be sensitive to their emotions. 

“Do you think it’s because of your age/weight/lifestyle?”

Avoid speculating on the causes of their fertility struggles. This can lead to feelings of self-blame and shame. 

“Are you sure you want kids?”

This question undermines the couple’s desires and dreams. Respect their choices and support their journey without questioning their decisions.

“My cousin’s friend’s sister got pregnant after many years of trying!”

While you might think sharing a success story will give them hope, it can also put additional pressure on the couple. Each fertility journey is unique, and what works for one person might not work for another. 

Pro Tips

Here are some additional tips for being a great friend or family member during this time: 

Offer a listening ear: Sometimes, the best thing you can do is simply listen and provide a shoulder to lean on. Let the couple know that you’re there for them, without judgment or unsolicited advice.

Plan fun activities: Organise a game night, movie marathon, or a day trip to help take their minds off their fertility journey. Laughter and enjoyment can be powerful stress relievers.

Be patient: Understand that the couple may not always be in the mood for socializing or discussing their fertility journey. Give them space when needed and let them know you’re there when they’re ready to talk.

Celebrate their successes: Whether it’s a work promotion, a new hobby, or a personal milestone, be sure to acknowledge and celebrate the couple’s achievements. This will remind them that they have a lot to be proud of, aside from their efforts to conceive.

Stay informed: Educate yourself about infertility and its treatments, so you can better understand and empathize with your loved ones. This knowledge can help you become a more compassionate and supportive friend.

Navigating conversations with couples struggling to conceive can be challenging, but by avoiding these 10 things, you can create a more supportive and enjoyable atmosphere. Remember, empathy, and respect can go a long way in helping your loved ones feel understood and appreciated.

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Cover image source: Instagram